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TAUGHT BY MAIL 

A PLAY IN THREE ACTS 

BY HOLLIS CLARK 



PUBLISHED BY THE AUTHOR 

BOZEMAN, MONTANA 

X917 






Copyright, 1917, hy Mollis Clark. 
Price One Dollar Postpaid. 



mi -4 I9t7 

©CI.D 46 794 



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CHARACTERS 

Mr. Buckley 

Mr. Davidson 

Mr. James Mayhew 

Waiter 
Mr. Henry Fairfield 
Mrs. Henry Fairfield 
Miss Clara Fairfield 
Miss Marg-aret Davidson 
Mr. Gerald Fairfield 
Mr. Purvis 

TIME 
The Present 

PLACE 
An American City 



Act I. Monday morning. Mr. Fairfield's club. 

Act n. Tuesday morning. Mr. Fairfield's 
office. 

Act III. Saturday morning. Mr. Fairfield's 
home. 



ACT I. 

(Reading-room of the Commercial Club, 
with heavy furniture, hangings and carpet. On 
the left is a large brick fireplace and mantel; on 
the mantel is a big French clock, and above it 
is an antler ed deerhead. Back of the fireplace, 
on the left, is a door leading to the billiard 
room. Opposite this door, on the right, is the 
door to the front halhmy. Between these two 
doors, occupying nearly all the back zvall, is a 
very wide windozv, draped ivith rich maroon 
silk tapestry, zvell looped back so as not to ob- 
struct the viezv, which is adequately command- 
ed by a battery of easy chairs. Against the right 
wall near the hall door is a zvriting table, strong 
as a carpenter's bench and nearly as large, but 
small in comparison with the long library table 
that occupies the middle of the room. This pon- 
derous piece, zvhich must have been built in its 
place or at least brought into the room in sec- 
tions, is covered zvith newspapers and pictorials 
neatly arranged in rozvs and piles. It is sur- 
rounded by easy chairs, straight chairs, and 
serving tables at convenient intervals. The 
walls of the room are adorned zmth paintings 
in huge gilt frames zvhich go zvell with the per- 
vading air of solid comfort and solid mahogany. 



6 Taught By Mail Act I 

In front of the library table three easy chairs 
form a semicircle about a serving table upon 
which are a call-bell and match-box holder. The 
chair on the right is occupied by Mr. Buckley, 
a prosperous, middle-aged lazvyer, wearing a 
gray business suit, a straw hat on the back of 
his head; his walking-stick lies on the floor be- 
side his chair. In the next chair, facing the 
front, is Mr. Davidson, a successful banker, 
over fifty but still in his prime. He zvears a 
blue serge business suit and a straw hat, and his 
walking-stick rests across the arms of his chair. 
The third chair is vacant. 

In an easy chair near the windozv sits Mr. 
Mayhezv, reading a newspaper. Mr. Mayhezv 
is attired in a gray sack suit and drab slouch 
hat, with no trace of a stick. His appearance 
is neat but has not the trimness of the other 
tzvo gentlemen. 

Mr. Davidson, who is solemnly contemplat- 
ing the table in front of him, yazmis. Mr. 
Buckley, similarly occupied, stretches, and after 
a pause of some moments resumes the daily 
morning deliberations. ) 

Buckley. This club is no good. 

{Mr. Mayhezv glances at the group and 
resumes reading.) 

Davidson. Vile. 

{Mr. Mayhezv looks up again, rattles his 
paper and resumes reading.) 

Buckley. Rotten. {Yazvns.) What has 



Act I Taught By Mail 7 

become of that sign ''Silence" that used to be 
on the big- table? 

Davidson. Nobody paid any attention to 
it, so the house committee put it up in the 
library. Nobody ever goes to the library, so 
the sign is obeyed. 

Buckley. Discipline must be preserved. 

(Mr. May hew drops his paper in Jiis lap 
and looks out the zvindozv.) 

Davidson. Worst house committee we 
ever had and that's saying a good deal. 
( Yazvns. ) 

{Mr. Mayheiv gives up his efforts to read, 
rises, drops Jiis paper in his eh air, and ap- 
proaches the other two men. If annoyed, he 
does not show it. He is a zvell-fed, zvell-con- 
ditioned, well-dressed bachelor of fifty, partial 
to the west where he has spent much time, but 
not unap pre dative of the advantages of the 
east where he zms born. He is a mining super- 
intendent in Mexico, his bronzed complexion 
contrasting with the office pallor of the other 
two men. He is deliberate in speech and 
movement and his gentle sarcasms usually 
meet with the same good-nature zvith zvhich 
they are uttered.) 

Davidson. {As Mr. Mayhew draws near.) 
Why, hel-lo Mayhew! Where did you drop 
from? 

Mayhew. Hello, Davidson. Just in from 
Mexico this morning. How are you, Buck- 



8 Taught By Mail Act I 

ley? (Shakes hands heartily zvifh both and 
takes the third chair at the table.) 

Buckley. (To Mr. Mayhezv.) How are 
things in Mexico? Revolution still on? 

Mayhew. Yes. They are all revolving so 
rapidly they sort of hurled me away by cen- 
trifugal force. The mines are closed down. 
I'm not sorry to take a vacation — first time 
I've been east in five years. 

Davidson. You don't say! It doesn't 
seem that long- since you were here last. 

Mayhew. It's rather a novelty to read a 
newspaper the same day it was printed instead 
of a week later. 

Buckley. Anything in the papers this 
morning? I didn't have time to read mine. 

Davidson. Johnson's going to pitch today. 

Mayhew. A cool wave promised by the 
weather man. 

Buckley. Did you see w^hat it said in the 
paper yesterday about synthetic leather? 

Mayhew. Synthetic leather? 

Davidson. What's that? 

Buckley. It's a new^ invention. It's an 
artificial leather which they propose to man- 
ufacture instead of getting it from hides. 

Davidson. I bet it never gets beyond the 
proposal stage. 

Buckley. Wonderful age this; horseless 
carriage, smokeless powder, wireless teleg- 
raphy,— 



Act I Taught By Mail 9 

Mayhew. Cowless miik, — 

Buckley. So why not hideless leather? 

Davidson. I heard of a fatherless baby. 

Buckley. Was its mother a sexless 
woman ? 

Mayhew. Case of parthenogenesis per- 
haps. 

Buckley. (To Mr. Davidson.) Where do 
you suppose he got that word? 

Davidson. Search me. Even after he got 
it, how did he remember it? 

Buckley. Maybe it's a Mexican word. 

MAYHEW^ Much reading maketh a full 
man. 

Davidson. Not here. 

Mayhew. Reading is my principal amuse- 
ment at the mines ; nothing else to do at night. 

Davidson. Then you are a dangerous 
man. People who read too much always want 
to reform the world. 

Mayhew. Such is not my intention. 

(The conversation languishes. Mr. David- 
son drums on the arms of his chair and goes 
thru the motions of zvhistling, but vuithont 
audible residt. Mr. Buckley yazvns again and 
tries to think of something to say. Mr. May- 
hezv leans back and crosses his legs. The 
zvaiter, in zvhite summer livery, enters; he 
goes thru the motions of straightening out 
the papers on the table, moves a fezv chairs a 
fraction of an inch, and goes out.) 



10 Taught By Mail Act I 

Buckley. They say the gas company is 
going" to cut another melon next week. 

Mayhew. The pirates. 

Davidson. No, the philanthropists. I own 
some of the stock. 

Mayhew. How much is it this time? 

Davidson. A hundred per cent stock divi- 
dend. We only got fifty last time. 

Mayhew. The whole gas plant is worth 
about a million dollars. This new dividend 
will make the capitalization about eight mil- 
lions. It's a wonder the public stands it. 

Davidson. My dear boy, 3^ou don't under- 
stand the public. A public that will stand the 
express companies and the sleeping-car mo- 
nopoly will stand anything. 

Mayhew. I guess you are right. 

Buckley. Old Fairfield understands the 
public. He's a director of the gas company. 

Davidson. So am I. The rest of us lef 
Fairfield do the directing. 

Buckley. It's mighty poor gas. 

Davidson. The meters are good. 

Mayhew. "Laugh and the world laughs 
with you." 

Buckley. Such being the case, has the 
sun crossed the yardarm? 

Mayhew. "Make it so." 

Davidson. (^Reaches with his cane and 
taps the hell.) Let's shake. 

{Enter Waiter.) 



Act I Taught By Mail 11 

Davidson. {To Waiter.) Bring the 
bones. 

{Waiter goes out and returns zvith a dice- 
box which he places on the little table. TJie 
three members get up and with some difficulty, 
assisted by the Waiter, get their heavy chairs 
near enough to the table so that, by sitting on 
the edges, they are in position to operate the 
dicebox. Mr. Davidson takes the box and 
deals a die apiece zvhich is carefully examined 
and then flipped by its possessor.) 

Davidson. {After examining the several 
dice.) Your first throw, Mayhew. 

Mayhew. {Gathers up the dice, shakes 
and throws.) Two Httle deuces; {shakes and 
throzvs) three little deuces; {shakes and 
throzvs) three deuces. {Shoves the box to Mr. 
Davidson.) 

Davidson. {Shakes and throzvs) three 
sixes; {leers trinmphantly at Mr. Mayhew) 
ril stand on that. {Passes the box to Mr. 
Buckley. ) 

Buckley. {Shakes violently and throzvs.) 
Bah! {Shakes and throzvs.) Two fives! 
{Shakes and throws.) Nothing better. You're 
out, Davidson. Best two out of three, May- 
hew. 

{Exit Waiter, after vainly zvaiting for an 
order. ) 

{Mr. Buckley throzvs.) 

Davidson. Ha ! 



12 Taught By Mail Act I 

(Mr. Mayhezv throzvs.) 

Davidson. Ha! Ha! (It is evident that 
Mr. Mayhezv has zvon the first round.) 

Buckley. (Snapping his fingers sharply 
as he throzvs. Disappointedly.) Will you 
look at that! 

Mayhew. (Throzvs.) My unlucky num- 
ber. Horse apiece. 

(Mr. Buckley, more cheerfid after zvinning 
the second round, gets up, marches around Jiis 
chair three times for luck, sits dozvn, and 
makes his last throzv zvith great caution and 
anxiety. The residt is not encouraging. Mr. 
Dazndson is intensely interested. Mr. Mayhezv 
makes the final throzv; the residt is victory 
for himself, and he leans back complacently. 
Mr. Buckley leans back resignedly.) 

Davidson. (Looking inquiringly from Buck- 
ley to Mayhezv.) Nothing seems to be hap- 
pening. 

Buckley. O! Excuse me; I'm stuck. Why 
didn't we order? Sound the tocsin. (Mr. 
Davidson taps the bell and the Waiter comes 
in.) Take the orders. 

Mayhew. Julep. 

Davidson. Highball 

(Mr. Buckley gives a short, sharp nod to 
the Waiter, zvho goes out.) 

Davidson. (To Buckley.) What does that 
mean ? Sarsaparilla ? 



Act I Taught By Mail 13 

Mayhew. (Confidently, to Davidson.) 
Oyster stew. 

Buckley. He knows. If you fellows 
would learn the sign language, it would save 
3^ou lots of trouble. 

Davidson. There ought to be some means 
of communication understood by all. I or- 
dered an angel's breath the other day and 
what do you suppose I got? 

Buckley. You ought to have got a letter 
from the Board of Governors. What did you 
get? 

Davidson. A rainbow! 

Waiter. (Enters, paging.) Mis-ter Da- 
vid-son. Mis-ter Da-vid-son. 

Davidson. He's not here. (Exit Waiter.) 

(Mr. Mayhezv takes out a cigaret from his 
pocket case, reaches for the mat dies, takes the 
box, lights his cigaret, taps the table gently 
with the matchbox and drops it absently into 
his side coat pocket, unobserved by the others. 
The Waiter enters zmth the jidep for Mr. May- 
hew, the highball for Mr. Davidson and a glit- 
tering cocktail for Mr. Buckley. He siphons 
the highball and goes out.) 

All. (Reaching for their drinks.) How. 

(Mr. Buckley taps the bell and the Waiter 
enters. ) 

Buckley. Bring the cigars. (The Waiter 
goes out and returns zvith the cigar tray.) 
Have a smoke? 



14 Taught By Mail Act I 

(Mr. Mayhew, already smoking, declines as 
the tray is passed by the Waiter. Mr. David- 
son and Mr. Buckley take cigars. After due 
deliberation, Mr. Buckley cuts the end of his 
cigar and signs the chits which the Waiter has 
placed before him. The Waiter takes the chits 
and tray and goes out.) 

Buckley. (Reaching for the matchbox, 
discovers its absejice. ) This infernal club gets 
worse and worse. (Slams the bell. Waiter 
comes back in a hurry.) Bring some matches, 
please. (Waiter brings a box from neighbor- 
ing table.) 

Mayhew. Old Fairfield seems to have 
time to do a lot of things besides directing 
your iniquitous gas company. What kind of 
a joint is that he runs in the Equitable Build- 
ing? 

Davidson. The Cosmos Correspondence 
College, one of those get-wise-quick concerns. 
They'll teach you how to practise medicine in 
fifteen lessons by mail. 

Buckley. I would like to recommend it to 
some of the doctors I know. 

Mayhew. Will they teach you to swim by 
mail ? 

Davidson. Yes, anything. It's a big in- 
dustry. Pays to(J, as you might know, since 
Henry Fairfield runs it. He's never been in 
business for his health. 

Buckley. I should say not. I happened 



Act I Taught By Mail 15 

to be in the Sterling Trust Company's safe 
deposit place one day when he was there, and 
he had a safe deposit box as big as a trunk. 
He must be worth a million, don't you think? 

Davidson. It's more than a million. His 
interest in the gas company is nearly that, and 
he is not the man to put all his eggs in one 
basket. 

Mayhew. He's a slick old rascal. 

Buckley. Why old, and why rascal? He's 
only about fifty. What has he done to you ? 

Mayhew. He is my brother-in-law. 

Davidson. {Looks at Buckley and laughs; 
then addresses Mayhezv.) I had forgotten he 
married your sister. Pardon me for causing 
you to call him a rascal. 

Mayhew. It's all right. No apologies neces- 
sary. He's a good husband as far as that's 
concerned. I was thinking of some of the 
things he has promoted. One of them was sell- 
ing-homes-on-the-installment-plan. He sold 
houses on easy terms to easy marks. 

Buckley. Did you buy? 

Mayhew. I did. It ought to be called sell- 
ing-homes-on-the-extortion-plan. However, I 
beat him out. 

Buckley. How did it happen? Tell us 
about it, Mayhew. 

Mayhew. When I wanted to buy a house, 
he induced me to go into one of those selling- 
homes-on-the-installment schemes which he 



16 Taught By Mail Act I 

was promoting- at that time. The bait was o-ood 
and I swallowed it, with the hook. You 
see the game is to build a string of houses that 
cost sa}^ four thousand dollars apiece and sell 
them at seventy-five hundred, on what they ad- 
vertise as easy terms. The trusting purchaser 
puts down only a hundred dollars or perhaps 
two, and then pays thirty-seven dollars and 
thirteen cents a month, just like rent, the ad- 
vertisement says, the bulk of the purchase price 
being on first mortgage. Some of the buyers 
fall out at the first annual interest payment, but 
many of them manag-e to worry along for three 
years until the first mortgage matures. There's 
the point. They find unexpected obstacles in 
the way of renewing the mortgage. The com- 
mission alone is three per cent, which in the case 
of a six thousand dollar mortgage amounts to 
one hundred and eighty dollars, to say nothing 
of various other fees and expenses, so the usual 
result is that the home-buyer is stumped, the 
mortgage is foreclosed, he moves out with noth- 
ing, the dealer gets the house back, spends a 
few dollars on repairs and sells it again. Great 
thing for the dealer. The way I got ahead of 
him was this : When my first mortgage fell due, 
I happened to have enough money to pay it of¥ 
and get the house and lot in fee simple. Had 
him there. 

Davidson. You certainly did. Mayhew, I 



Act I Taught By Mail 17 

believe you are something of a financier after 
all. 

Mayhew. Let's have a drink. (Taps the 
bell. Enter Waiter.) Take the orders. {The 
Waiter takes tJie orders and ,^oes out.) 

Davidson. Henry Fairfield is a mighty 
clever man. We people in the banking business 
know how few of them there are, — in a financial 
way, I mean. The money-making faculty is 
a separate and distinct part of the human make- 
up. No matter how brilliant intellectually a 
man may be, he can't make money unless he 
has that money-making faculty. 

Mayhew. Accumulating money is another 
thing. 

Davidson. Yes. I know men who make 
plenty of money, but they can't hold on to it to 
save their souls. 

Buckley. Henry Fairfield can do both. 

Davidson. Most men who go into business 
fail. Most men over sixty years of age are 
dependent upon their children or charity for 
support. Especially in America. We are an 
improvident, wasteful, extravagant people. 

(Enter Waiter zvith the drinks, which are 
deliberately and solemnly disposed of. Exit 
Waiter.) 

Davidson. Most of the life insurance paid 
out on death claims is squandered. Not 
ten per cent of it remains in the hands of the 
beneficiaries at the end of two years. 



18 Taught By Mail Act I 

Buckley. They have to have automobiles. 

Mayhew. It keeps money in circulation. 

Davidson. (^Sarcastically.) Brilliant! Bril- 
liant ! 

Buckley. It's a gift. 

Mayhew. All the same, no more financial 
dealings with Henry Fairfield for me. 

Davidson. You're prejudiced. 

Mayhew. No, I'm not. 

Davidson. You're prejudiced against him 
just because he's your brother-in-law. 

Buckley. (Reenforcing Mr. Davidson.) 
All successful men make enemies. Fairfield is 
very successful. He is a smart man. 

Davidson. He is also a primitive man — fol- 
lows his instincts more than his reason. Like 
all of us, he feels that self-preservation is the 
first law of nature, but he carries it to its logical 
conclusion. If he had been born a savage, he 
would have gathered food, weapons, and wives 
by taking them by force, and he would have 
been chief of the tribe. In the middle ages he 
would have been a robber baron, levying upon 
everybody within reach. Being a civilized man 
of the present day, he still accumulates wealth, 
but by methods modified by a due regard for the 
law. 

Mayhew. Ha! Much he thinks about the 
law until it gets him into a corner, and then he 
squirms out, with the assistance of our legal 
brother here. (Indicating Mr. Buckley.) 



Act I Taught By Mail 19 

Buckley. Aren't you a little hard on my 
respected client? He is a good husband and 
father. 

Mayhew. That's a mighty poor argument 
in favor of a man. It is unnatural not to be 
good to your family. Besides, men of his stamp 
are good to their families thru sheer egotism 
in regard to their own flesh and blood. How 
about his employees? 

Buckley. He treats them justly — I cannot 
say that he pampers them. 

Mayhew. He gets all he can out of them 
for the least money. How about the public? 

Davidson. He makes the usual contribu- 
tions to charities. 

Mayhew. Charged to advertising account 
probably. How about fair dealing? What of 
the Western Oilfields scandal, and that fake 
bitters he used to sell by the thousands of bot- 
tles? (To Mr. Davidson.) Your house under- 
writes securities; would you touch anything 
like that Western Oilfields proposition? 

Davidson. No, of course not, but ours is a 
long-established house. We have a reputation 
to maintain which is part of our capital. 

Mayhew. H'm! Let George do the dirty 
work ! 

Davidson. We could not afford to be mixed 
up in any stockjobbing schemes like that any 
more than we could enter the loan shark's field. 
All the same, these lines of business have their 



20 Taught By Mail Act I 

uses. They give employment to a large num- 
ber of people, and the money they get might 
just as well change hands that way as any other, 
so long as human beings are what they are. 

Mayhew. I suppose the gold brick industry 
has its good points, too. 

Davidson. Well, I don't say that. You 
must draw the line somewhere. But take all 
this agitation against the loan sharks for ex- 
ample. It's all futile. The agitators talk as if 
people were forced at the point of a gun to bor- 
row money from a loan shark. They are not. 
They go to him of their own free will. They 
don't have to go. They accept the money-lend- 
er's terms. They don't have to accept those 
terms. If they don't like his terms, why do they 
accept them and then squeal about it like babies ? 
If they would save their gum and moving-pic- 
tures nickels instead of spending them they 
wouldn't be so hard up. That is the real trou- 
ble ; the masses won't save ; they won't exercise 
any self-denial. 

Mayhew. But don't the loan sharks charge 
more than the legal rate of interest? 

Davidson. The legal rate of interest ! The 
legal rate of interest is a joke. The business 
rate of interest is as much as the traffic will 
bear. You might just as well talk about the 
legal price of potatoes. What you pay for po- 
tatoes is the market price, and the market price 
is likewise what you pay for borrowed money. 



Act I Taught By Mail 21 

Mayhew. But the banks don't charge more 
than the legal rate, do they ? 

Davidson. Listen: If the banks make no 
more than five per cent interest on their money, 
hov^ is it that the First National has been pay- 
ing twelve per cent dividends to its stockhold- 
ers for the past ten years? 

Mayhew. I give it up. 

Davidson. Do not think for a moment tho 
that bankers violate the law. Perish the 
thought! We respect the statute on usury, 
but as the Bible says, there is more than one 
way to kill a cat. 

Mayhew. Well, it's all too many for me. 
The more I learn of high finance, the more pru- 
dent it seems to me to confine my fiscal opera- 
tions to low altitudes. 

Davidson. A good plan. (To Mr. Buck- 
ley.) You had better escape pr-etty soon, old 
Batch. This is ladies' day at the club. 

Buckley. That's so! The first one, isn't it! 
However, {Looking at his zvatch.) They can't 
come till after twelve, so I'm safe for some 
time yet. I'm interested in this learned dis- 
cussion on the ethics of business. 

Mayhew. I have never made any money 
like you {Indicating Davidson.) nor inherited 
it like you; {Indicating Buckley.) I am a sal- 
aried man. I am one individual of the masses, 
who are, as you imply, {Indicating Davidson.) 
a lot of muttonheads. I agree with you. They 



22 Taught By Mail Act I 

are. They are exploited by the clever few. It 
is so in nature and always has been. The big- 
fishes eat the little fishes. 

Buckley. Civilized man is supposed to be 
different from that. 

Davidson. He quit cannibalism some time 
ago. 

Mayhew. Literally, yes, but he still preys 
upon his neighbors in more subtle but no less 
effective ways. 

Buckley. Too obstruse. The question be- 
fore the house is: Is old Fairfield a rascal? If 
so, how much of a rascal is he, and wherein 
does he differ from the successful financiers 
who are not rascals? 

Mayhew. There aren't any. 

Davidson. (Earnestly.) I take the nega- 
tive as before. Henry Fairfield is not a rascal. 
My point is this: Business is a conflict like 
war or a baseball game. It has its rules to be 
observed just as war has its laws of war and 
baseball has its set of rules. In war you are 
not allowed to poison the enemy's drinking wa- 
ter, but you can send a spy into his lines wear- 
ing his uniform and misleading him by false 
information. In baseball you are not allowed 
to do this, that, and the other, but there are 
plenty of stratagems and deceits that are per- 
missible. Now people who complain about be- 
ing^ cheated in a bargain, or about the extortions 
of a monopoly, are people who don't know the 



Act I Taught By Mail 23 

laws of war; they are ignorant of the rules of 
of the game. See? Henry Fairfield under- 
stands the business contest thoroly. Knowing 
that a fool and his money are soon parted, he 
sees no reason why he should not be on hand at 
the time of the parting to rescue the money from 
a worse fate. If you say he indulges in sharp 
practice, I say we all indulge in sharp practice 
when we have a chance. If you say he profits 
by the follies of mankind, I say so do the doc- 
tors, the lawyers, and the ministers. Why not? 
This contest between men's wits cannot be 
avoided. If it did not continue constantly, there 
would be more fools than ever. Strife is what 
keeps the race alive. 

{There is a pause. Mr. Buckley zvaits for 
Mr. Mayhezv to speak, hut the latter has noth- 
ing to say.) 

Buckley. Davidson is right. You couldn't 
keep people from throwing their money away 
if you tried. They are bound to do it. Fair- 
field's methods may not appeal to some, but 
there is nothing reprehensible about them. No 
indeed. The Cosmos Correspondence College 
is all right. Well, I must be going. This is 
my busy day. (Rises.) 

(Enter Mr. Henry Fairfield, thru door on 
right, with a quick, nervous zvalk, glancing 
about sharply, and approaching the speakers. 
He is a thin, trim, keen, shrezvd business man, 
of the kind that makes money fast, not being re- 



24 Taught By Mail Act I 

tarded by scruples, ideals, nor delusions. He 
smiles a hit more than is necessary in falkiiig: 
in fact, his geniality is more or less artificial, 
and is adopted in accordance zmth the principle 
that it is easier to catch flies zvith molasses than 
with vinegar. His sack suit, light in zveight 
and color, is of fine texture and fashionable cut, 
and he carries a Panama hat in his hand. Mr. 
Mayhezv rises and advances to meet Mr. Fair- 
field. ) 

H. Fairfield. (Smiling, nodding to Mr. 
Davidson and Air. Buckley, and shaking hands 
with Mr. MayJiezv.) Well, Jim, glad to see you. 
When you telephoned me from the station, it 
certainly was a surprise. How are you? 

Mayhew. Very well, thank you, Henry. 
We were just talking about you. 

Davidson. Er-er, yes. Have a seat. 

H. Fairfield. What is a club for, if not to 
talk about your friends? (Sits.) Did anybody 
defend me? 

(Mr. Buckley and Mr. Davidson take seats 
agai/n. ) 

Mayhew. (Who makes no pretension of 
affection for his hrother-in-lazv.) Davidson 
acted as the devil's advocate. 

H. Fairfield. And who conducted the pros- 
ecution ? 

Mayhew. I did. 

H. Fairfield. And what was the verdict? 



Act I Taught By Mail 25 

Buckley. The jury {Pointing to himself.) 
acquitted you. 

H. Fairfield. Now that I know that I have 
been found not guilty, it would be interesting- to 
know what was the charge against me. 

Da\^idson. i^With mock solemnity.) You 
are accused of being a successful business man. 

H. Fairfield. In some quarters I believe 
that IS quite a serious offence. 

Davidson. (Corroboratively.) A crime. 

Buckley. (Sagely^ looking at Mr. May- 
hew.) Nothing is easier than destructive crit- 
icism, finding fault without suggesting a rem- 
edy. 

Mayhew. One may diagnose a disease 
without having a remedy for it. 

Davidson. What is the disease in this case^ 
Mayhew. The rich, the— the— 
Davidson. (Sarcastically.) Bloated bond- 
holders. 

Buckley. (Sarcastically.) Malefactors of 
great wealth. 

H. Fairfield. (Genially.) Predatory in- 
terests. 

Mayhew. The disease is the exploitation of 
the weak by the strong, of the simple by the 
clever, of the poor by the rich. What the rem- 
edy is I do not pretend to know. 
^ (After a momenfs pause, Mr. Buckley thinks 
It IS time to change the subject. ) 

Buckley. (To nobody in particular.) Are 



26 Taught By Mail Act I 

you equal to another? (Extends his hand to 
tap the call-bell but is arrested by the sound of 
women's voices outside.) 

Clara. (Outside.) O, isn't it lovely! I'm 
so g'lad the men are going to let us come. Do 
look at that lovely stairway. 

(Davidson, Buckley and May hew look at 
each other in surprise, then at their watches.) 

Buckley. (Resentfully.) They're ahead of 
time. Come on, Mayhew! (Makes a dive for 
his walking-stick and jumps to his feet. May- 
hew rises quickly. Mayhew and Buckley bolt 
out of the room by the door to the billiard room. 
Mr. Davidson takes off his hat, brushes cigar 
ashes off Jiis coat, feels of his cravat, puts his 
cigar on a tray, and moves away from the little 
table. Mr. Fairfield rises. Thru the other door 
enters Mrs. Fairfield, a plump, bovine, unas- 
sertive lady, thoroly satisfied with herself and 
her station in life. She occasionally ventures 
to expostulate against something that is differ- 
ent from what she is used to, but zi/ithout force 
and zvithout effect upon the rising generation. 
She is accompanied by Miss Clara Fairfield, 
her daughter, a pretty girl of eighteen, and 
Miss Margaret Davidson, another pretty girl 
of about twenty-two, daughter of Mr. David- 
son. The ladies are all elegantly attired in street 
costume and carry parasols.) 

Mrs. Fairfield. Good morning, Mr. David- 



Act I Taught By Mail 27 

son. Are you and Henry the reception com- 
mittee? [All exchange greetings.) 

Davidson. Good morning, Mrs. Fairfield. 
Well, — er — not exactly. In fact, I believe there 
is to be no formality about ladies' day. You 
just come in and make yourself at home. I am 
sure the innovation is going to be a great suc- 
cess. 

(Mr. Henry Fairfield accompanies the two 
yoiing ladies about the room, looking at the pic- 
tures on the walls. Margaret slips azvay from 
Mr. Fairfield amd Clara and goes hack to Mr. 
Davidson. Mrs. Fairfield joins Mr. Fairfield 
and Clara.) 

Margaret. Dad, the club is fine. I am so 
glad you are going to let us enjoy it once a 
week. {Sits down.) 

Davidson. Don't thank me ; I voted against 
it. 

Margaret. Why, papa. Fm ashamed of 
you. You don't object to my lunching here, do 
you? 

Davidson. Whom are you going to lunch 
with? 

Margaret. With Mr. Fairfield. 

Davidson. With Mr. Fairfield! You mean 
wnth him and his family? 

Margaret. I didn't say Mr. Fairfield, 
senior. (Casts dozvn her eyes.) 

Davidson. With Gerald Fairfield? I 
thought he was away at college. 



28 Taught By Mail Act I 

Margaret. The term ended yesterday. 

Davidson. Is he here? 

Margaret. No, but he is coming. 

Davidson. Is that why 3^011 came with Mrs. 
Fairfield and Clara ? 

Margaret. No, I was walking down. They 
passed in their car and asked me to get in. 

Davidson. H'm. Then how was your lunch 
engagement made? 

Margaret. By letter. 

Davidson. I didn't know Gerald Fairfield 
was one of your correspondents. {Margaret 
digs in the carpet zvith her parasol.) 

Davidson. {Looks over his shoulder to 
make sure he is not overheard.) See here, 
daughter, the Fairfields are well enough in their 
way, but I would not cultivate them. 

{Mrs. Fairfield, Mr. Fairfield and Clara 
wander out thru door on left, examining the 
club.) 

Margaret. I thought you liked Mr. Fair- 
field, senior. 

Davidson. As a business man, yes, but so- 
cially — well — that's different. I would not of- 
fend them, you understand. Mr. Fairfield is 
a valuable client of my bank. 

Margaret. Isn't Mr. Fairfield an honor- 
able man? 

Davidson. Yes, but some people think he 
is not; in fact, I was defending him here just 
before you and the other ladies came in. Peo- 



Act I Taught By Mail 29 

pie who are not in business cannot understand 
business, that's the trouble. 

Margaret. Why should business be so dif- 
ferent from the other affairs of life? 

Davidson. (Slightly irritated.) Daughter, 
don't let's go over that ground again. Since 
you took up these matters outside your proper 
sphere, how many hours we have spent dis- 
cussing them, and to no purpose. It is im- 
possible to explain business exigencies to a 
woman. Business is business. 

Margaret. Unless there is something wrong 
with my brain I fail to see why I should not 
understand that which is understandable even 
if it is not explainable. But there iiiust be some 
explanation of this mysterious thing called 
business. 

Davidson. What / cannot understand is 
this sudden questioning of long-established 
customs by the younger generation. You seem 
to be losing faith in your elders. 

Margaret. We are learning to think. 

(Mr. Davidson searches in vain for a reply.) 

Margaret. I won't be satisfied until I get 
to the bottom of it, father. If it is right for 
the Gas Company to fool the public, then it is 
right for the grocer to put sand in the sugar and 
for the coal dealer to sell short weight. 

Davidson. (Indignantly.) Those practices 
are petty larceny. The Gas Company — 

Margaret. ( IVith warmth.) The Gas Com- 



30 Taught By Mail Act I 

pany practices grand larceny. The gas is vil- 
lainous, to begin with. It pollutes the atmos- 
phere and soils everything in the house. 

Davidson. (Weakly.) It's as good as we 
can furnish, consistent with — with — 

Margaret. Consistent with enormous prof- 
its. When you are making so much money 
out of it, you might at least furnish good gas. 

Davidson. / am not the Company. I am 
only one of the directors. 

Margaret. Any director can say that. 

Davidson. Er — (Finding no other zvords 
ready, he shrugs Jiis shoidders and raises his 
eyebrozvs.) 

Margaret. Will you do something for me, 
Daddy? 

Davidson. (Deluded into thinking that the 
unpleasant subject is being dropped and anxious 
to please his child.) What is it, my dear? 

Margaret. The Gas Company has its an- 
nual meeting next Monday. 

Davidson. (His face falls.) How did you 
know that ? 

Margaret. (Sniiling.) You forget you made 
me a present of ten shares of stock on my last 
birthday. 

Davidson. So I did ! 

Margaret. I got a notice in the mail of the 
annual meeting and a paper for me to sign so 
that Mr. Fairfield senior could vote for me at 



Act I Taught By Mail 31 

the meeting. What is it they call it ? Proxy — 
that's it. 

Davidson. Yes, that's it. Each share has 
one vote, so you have ten. 

Margaret. Well, why shouldn't I go to 
the meeting and vote for myself? 

Davidson. (Shocked.) O, it isn't customary 
for women stockholders to attend the meetings 
— just a lot of dull business, you know. 

Margaret. But I want to learn about busi- 
ness, dull or sharp. Besides, I want to make a 
motion that the Company manufacture better 
gas and lower the price. Besides being wretched 
gas, it costs too much. 

Davidson. (Almost nonplussed.) My dear 
child, that is preposterous. 

Margaret. (^Undisturbed.) They did it in 
Westville. 

Davidson. Did what? 

Margaret. Improved the gas and lowered 
the price. 

Davidson. Such a thing is possible, of 
course. I referred to your going to the meet- 
ing. Ten shares is very small compared to the 
total number. To tell the truth, small stock- 
holders are not expected to be present. 

Margaret. Would the chairman of the 
meeting refuse to entertain my motion? 

Davidson. Really, I should have to look up 
the rules. I think such a motion would have to 
be made by a director. 



32 Taught By Mail Act I 

Margaret. (Coaxingly.) I thought so but 
I didn't know. That's what I want you to do 
for me. 

Davidson. (Ad itch perturbed.) Any such 
proposal would encounter violent opposition. 

Margaret. From whom? 

Davidson. From the other stockholders and 
directors. Naturally they don't want to cut 
down their dividends. 

Margaret. Would Mr. Fairfield senior op- 
pose it? 

Davidson. I think he would. 

Margaret. What does he want my proxy 
for? 

Davidson. (Increasingly uneasy.) There are 
always routine matters to be voted on — and 
sometimes special matters. (Tries to change 
the subject.) When was Gerald Fairfield home 
the last time? 

Margaret. (Not to be sidetracked.) Christ- 
mas, I think. Do you know of any special mat- 
ters to be voted on at the meeting? 

Davidson. (Who zvould like to lie or evade 
but does not dare.) I've heard something about 
a new issue of stock. 

Margaret. So have L They're going to 
water it, aren't they ? 

Davidson. See here, Daughter, business — 

Margaret. Now, Daddy, don't tell me again 
that business is business. You've told me that 
a dozen times. It sounds foolish. The way 3^ou 



Act I Taught By Mail 33 

say it, it seems to mean that business is corrupt. 
Is that what it means? 

Davidson. [Shakes his head hopelessly, and 
in a moment ventures back to the former topic, 
this time zvith more success.) I don't believe 
IVe seen Gerald Fairfield since last summer. 

Margaret. He's not a bit like his father. 

Davidson. He's only a boy yet. 

Margaret. (Slightly nettled.) He's nearly 
twenty-four. 

Davidson. (Looks sharply at his daughter. ) 
What's he g"oing to do? 

Margaret. He has another year at college. 

Davidson. What then? 

Margaret. (Beginning to become a bit rest- 
less under her father's scrutiny.) I believe he 
intends to be a professional man of some kind. 
(Rises and prepares to move on.) Are you 
lunching" here today, Daddy? 

Davidson. (Ignoring the inquiry, approaches 
Jiis daughter and puts his arm about her.) 
There, my dear child, forgive 3^our fussy old 
father. (Smiles fondly.) You are all I have, 
remember. 

Margaret. (Smiles, but the tears come. She 
touches her eyes zmth her handkerchief, and 
gives her father a hug.) I know it. Daddy. 
Don't worry. 

(Enter Gerald Fairfield, zvho stops short 
on seeing Mr. Davidson and Margaret in 
each other's arms. He is a fine, upstanding 



34 Taught By Mail Act I 

young man, zuitli bright, expectant face, quick 
movement, and engaging manners. Altho a col- 
legian, he is dressed in quiet taste.) 

Gerald. I beg pardon. 

(Margaret withdrazvs from her father. Mr. 
Davidson is confused.) 

Margaret. Good morning, Mr. Fairfield. 
(Smiles in welcome and extends her hand.) 

Gerald. Good morning*, Miss Davidson. 
(Shakes hands with Margaret.) Good morning, 
Mr. Davidson. 

Davidson. (He Jias had on the whole an un- 
pleasant morning. He has been thrice succes- 
sively embarrassed by the entrance first of Mr. 
F., then of Mrs. F., and now by Gerald. By an 
effort he recovers his composure.) Good morn- 
ing, Gerald. Glad to see you. I did not realize 
that vacation had come until Margaret told me. 
(Davidson and Gerald shake hands.) 

Gerald. I just came from the station. (To 
Margaret.) Is Mother here? 

Margaret. Yes, she is in one of the other 
rooms. 

Gerald. Will you excuse me? (Margaret 
n ods approvingly . ) 

Gerald. Will you be here when I come back ? 
(Margaret nods again, looks at her father, and 
drops her eyes. Exit Gerald.) 

Davidson. (After a pause.) 'Rt do^snWodk 
like the old man. 

(Margaret is again digging into the carpet 



Act I Taught By Mail 35 

with her parasol. Enter Waiter, who clears 
the serving table upon zvhich the empty glasses 
are sttU standing. Davidson zvelcomes this in- 
terruption and eyes the Waiter as if superin- 
tending the operation. Exit Waiter. ) 

ihJ^^^T-TkJ- ''''" li'"china- in town. Come to 
hmk of It, Henry Fairfield will be there too 
it s a business affair; we have some importan 
matters to talk over. Goodbye, dear. (Kisses 
Margaret and goes out, passinsr Mrs. Fairfield 
coming rn. Mrs. Fairfield sits down with asi^h 
near Margaret.) '^ 

Mrs. Fairfield. Isn't the club lovely? 

Margaret. Yes, isn't it. I never was in a 
man s club before. Have you seen Mr. Gerald ? 

Mrs. Fairfield. (A little jealously.) Yes 
was he in here? ^ ^ i". 

- Margaret. Yes, he was looking for you 

Mrs^ Fairfield. {Mollified.) He's a dear 
boy. He is with Clara and Mr. Fairfield. Clara 
IS perfectly crazy about the club. They can't 
get her out of the billiard room. 

{Mrs. Fairfield follows Margaret with her 
eyes, then picks up a magazine and turns the 
leaves Enter Mr. James Mayhew thru door on 
rignt. ) 

Mrs. Fairfield. Why, Jim! You here! 
Wherever did you come from? (Rises in 



36 Taught By Mail Act I 

astonishinent and advances to meet her 
brother. ) 

Mayhew. Well, sister, how are you? Didn't 
Henry tell you I was here? {Embraces Mrs. 
Fairfield. ) 

Mrs. Fairfield. No, I am so glad to see you. 
What brings you east ? Not a desire to see 3^our 
relatives, is it? 

Mayhew. (Smiles.) I just got in this morn- 
ing. I 'phoned to Henry and he told me you 
were all coming here. To tell the truth, I have 
been thinking of coming east for some time. 
The revolution decided it. I never would have 
expected to find you at the Commercial Club. 
The world moves, doesn't it? 

Mrs. Fairfield. Yes, Jim. I am afraid it 
moves too fast for a homebody like me. 

Mayhew. You look splendid. Where are 
the children? 

Mrs. Fairfield. They are here. They will 
be in in a minute. You wouldn't know them. 

Mayhew. I suppose not. Let's see. Ger- 
ald has not finished college yet, and I suppose 
Clara is still in school. 

Mrs. Fairfield. She ought to be, but she's 
stopped. 

Mayhew. Graduated? 

Mrs. Fairfield. No, she is studying at home. 

Mayhew. Under tutors, I suppose. That's 
fine. No one values education as much as one 



Act I Taught By Mail 37 

like myself, who never had much regular school- 
ing. 

Mrs. Fairfield. No, she is taking lessons by 
mail. I had forgotten you were so much inter- 
ested in schools, Jim, you not having any chil- 
dren of your own. There was a big row of some 
sort in the school Clara was going to. I be- 
lieve the faculty attempted to dictate too much 
and the students struck. 

Mayhew. Very presumptuous on the part 
of the faculty. Clara wasn't dismissed ? 

Mrs. Fairfield. O no, nobody was dis- 
missed. 

Mayhew. Well what happened? What did 
the faculty do? How did they clear them- 
selves ? 

Mrs. Fairfield. O they gave in. 

Mayhew. You mean the students? 

Mrs. Fairfield. No, the professors. 

Mayhew. You mean to say the school au- 
thorities gave in to the students? 

Mrs. Fairfield. (Placidly.) Yes. The fac- 
ulty had to give in. They usually do. The stu- 
dent body has what they call a strong organ- 
ization. But Clara won't go back. 

Mayhew. She zvon't? 

Mrs. Fairfield. No. I can't persuade her. 
She is following some course of study, as I 
said, by mail. It must cost a lot for postage. 
Just now she is especially interested in breath- 
ing. 



38 Taught By Mail Act 1 

Mayhew. Breathing ! 

Mrs. Fairfield. Yes. 

Mayhew. Does she know how to cook? 

Mrs. Fairfield. N-n-o. I have always 
meant to teach her to cook, but somehow I 
haven't got around to it. And then she has been 
busy with other things. 

Mayhew. You say Gerald is home; is he on 
strike too? 

Mrs. Fairfield. {Brightening.) No, it's 
the end of the term. Gerald likes to study. He 
has always done so well at school, ever since he 
was a little fellow. He won a scholarship, you 
know, tho of course he didn't need it and gave 
it to the boy who stood second. He likes out- 
door sports too; he's a splendid swimmer, and 
he's so handsome, and he — 

Mayhew. (Interrupting.) Now, Bess, I 
know that Gerald is the most perfectly remark- 
able and unequalled young man that ever lived. 
A woman's son always is. But what are you 
going to do with him? 

Mrs. Fairfield. What am I going to do 
with him? 

Mayhew. You and your husband, I mean. 
You are his parents. What are you preparing 
him for ? 

Mrs. Fairfield. O, I see what you mean. 
You mean what business is he going into. We 
have not thought much about that. I believe 
Henr}^ wishes him to be a professional man. 



Act I Taught By Mail 39 

Mayhew. We now come to the most insio'- 
nificant member of the family, namely, the head 
of it. Henry looks well. 

Mrs. Fairfield. Very well. He was here a 
little while ago. 

Mayhew. I saw him. It is unnecessary to 
ask whether his business has prospered. 
{Smiling at Mrs, Fairfield.) 

Mrs. Fairfield. Yes. Henry has been very 
successful. He is such a smart man. 

Mayhew. What is he promoting just at 
present? 

Mrs. Fairfield. {With a shrug.) Don't 
ask me, Jim. Henry never talks business at 
home. He goes to his office every morning 
after breakfast, except Sunday, and comes 
home in time for dinner. He usually gets his 
lunch at the Carleton restaurant. Why I've 
never even been to his office. I have to tele- 
phone to him sometimes, so I know the address, 
but I never go there. He doesn't seem to care 
to talk about his business and I do not try to 
make him. 

Mayhew. Wise wife. I dare say when he 
leaves his office he wants to forget business 
entirely until next morning at nine o'clock. 

Mrs. Fairfield. Yes, I guess that's it. Here 
they come. 

(Enter Clara, Margaret, and Gerald, talking 
animatedly. ) 

Mrs. Fairfield. Clara — Gerald — here is 



40 Taught By Mail Act I 

your Uncle Jim. Miss Davidson, Mr. Mayhew. 

(Bozvs are exchanged. Mr. Mayhezv holds 
Clara at arm's length and gaj::es at her.) 

Mayhew. What a difference five years 
makes! (Lets her go and shakes hands zvifh 
Gerald. ) 

Clara. (To Margaret.) Isn't the club love- 
ly ? Gerald tells me that you are going to lunch 
with him here. 

Margaret. Why, yes — aren't you and your 
mother too? 

Clara. (Smiles knowingly.) No. Sorry. 
Mother and I have an engagement at the Da- 
vises. Then I have to study. You know I am 
taking lessons by mail. 

(All take seats, in order from left to right: 
Margaret, Mayhezv, Clara, Gerald, Mrs. Fair- 
field. Mrs. Fairfield reaches for her son's hand, 
zvhich she holds during most of the conversa- 
tion. ) 

Gerald. What's that, Sis ? Taking lessons 
by mail? What's the matter with school? 

Clara. (She is a pretty little minx, and takes 
herself very seriously.) Why, didn't you hear 
about the perfectly outrageous way the faculty 
acted ? 

Gerald. (Amused, but repressing his smile.) 
No, what was it they did? 

Clara. They would not accede to the de- 
mands of the fraternities. Why, at first they 



Act I Taught By Mail 41 

refused even to change some of the recitation 
hours which confhcted with our meetings. 

Gerald. They did? 

Clara. So of course we had to strike and 
walk out. We had a splendid organization. 

Mrs. Fairfield. Well, the faculty gave in 
then, didn't they? 

Clara. Of course; they had to give in. 

Mrs. Fairfield. Then I don't see why you 
shouldn't go back to school. The Davis girls 
have gone back, and Joe Waterbury and his 
sister. I had to go to school when I was older 
than you are. 

Clara. The tyranny of the teachers is not the 
only reason why I do not wish to go back. There 
are other reasons, Mother. We are living in an 
advancing age. What was done in your girl- 
hood was no doubt suitable to that era, or at 
least it was thought so at the time, but now, 
now a new epoch is dawning. 

Mrs. Fairfield. You mean this taking les- 
sons by mail? 

Clara. Yes, Mother. Philanthropic soci- 
eties protest against long hours of labor by 
women and children in factories, — why should 
we have long hours of labor in an educational 
factory called a school? 

Gerald. (Greatly entertained.) Why in- 
deed! 

Clara. Their circulars say — 

Mayhew. Whose circulars, Clara? 



42 Taught By Mail Act I 

Clara. The Cosmos Correspondence Col- 
lege. 

Mayhew. (Blankly.) Oh! (Looks airious- 
ly at Gerald. ) 

Gerald. The Cosmos Correspondence Col- 
lege! Do you know who rmis it? 

Clara. No. 

Gerald. (To Mrs. Fairfield.) Do you? 

Mrs. Fairfield. No. 

Gerald. That's funny. / do. 

Clara. It makes no difference who runs it. 
It's grand. The schoolhouse system of instruc- 
tion is antiquated and will soon be obsolete. 

Gerald. Is that in the circulars too ? 

Clara. Yes, and it's so. Think how much 
more independent one is, studying at home, 
without wasting time going back and forth to 
school, and with no despotic task-masters. How 
much better than spending endless days shut 
up in a prison with a lot of other unfortunate 
beings. 

Gerald. What course are you taking, 
Clara? 

Clara. I've started with breathing. You 
can't imagine how interesting it is. And French 
too. There's a phonograph with that to give 
the true Parisian accent. 

Gerald. Breathing taught by mail! When 
you finish that, I suppose you'll take up eat- 
ing and sleeping. 

Clara. Don't be silly, Gerald. Wait till you 



Act I Taught By Mail 43 

have seen the lessons. Since I have been study- 
ing them I feel that I have never breathed be- 
fore. 

Gerald. You reall}^ must have. 

Clara. ( JVithers Gerald zvifh a glance and 
addresses her mother.) Then there's hypno- 
tism, and eugenics. 

Mrs. Fairfield. Eugenics? That must be 
something new since my day. We had optics 
— and calisthenics — 

Clara. Eugenics is about proper mating and 
breeding. 

Mrs. Fairfield. But you're not going to be 
a farmer. 

Clara. O no, eugenics is about human breed- 
ing. 

(Mrs. Fairfield gasps, Gerald is convidsed, 
Margaret smiles, and James Mayhezv hears 
nothing.) 

Mrs. Fairfield. I think we had better be 
going. 

Clara. {Unperturbed.) Yes, it must be 
time. 

{Mrs. Fairfield and Clara rise, follozved by 
the others.) 

Mrs. Fairfield. Come with us, Jim. 

Mrs. Fairfield, Clara, and Mayhew. 
Goodby. 
' Margaret. Goodby. 

(Gerald accompanies his mother and sister to 



44 Taught By Mail Act I 

the door, then hasfens back and takes a chair 
near Margaret. ) 

Gerald. It's right cosy here, isn't it ? 

Margaret. Yes, what a nice club it is. 
(Pause.) Haven't you been home since Christ- 
mas? 

Gerald. Have I seen you since Christmas? 

Margaret. Don't you know whether you 
have or not? 

Gerald. Of course I know. I know that I 
have not. Therefore I have not been home 
since Christmas, because if I had, I should 
have seen you. 

Margaret. How easily you say those things. 

Gerald. (Earnestly.) They are easily said 
— to you. 

Margaret. (Turning away.) Have you de- 
cided what you are going to do when you fin- 
ish college ? 

Gerald. Not yet. I have been thinking 
about business lately instead of the professions. 
You know, I don't know a thing about practical 
business. I've been away at school most of the 
time for the past eight years and have not even 
been in Father's office. You know he is presi- 
dent of this Cosmos Correspondence College 
that Clara was talking about. It sounds fun- 
ny the way Clara tells it but it must be all right 
or Father would not be connected with it. He 
is the soul of honor and so unselfish. Clara 
and Mother would be surprised to learn that 



Act I Taught By Mail 45 

Father is president of it. 

Margaret. Has your father been there 
long? 

Gerald. I really don't know. The fact is, I 
am very much in the dark about Father's work. 
I have a mind to surprise him by going down 
to his office without saying anything to him 
about it, and investigate. 

Margaret. That is a good idea. He will be 
glad that you show an interest in the business. 

Gerald. I am not so sure about that. I 
tried it once before, but he switched me off onto 
another track. He wishes me to go into a pro- 
fession, but I don't know. I must make up my 
mind by next year. By the way, you know 
when a man talks to a girl about himself it's a 
sign that he is interested in the girl. Did you 
know that? {Margaret laughs.) Now to even 
matters, tell me about this Civic Improvement 
Society that you are secretary of. 

Margaret. There is where my father is hard 
to manage. He doesn't approve of women tak- 
ing part in public betterment or anything of 
that sort. 

Gerald. These fathers are problems, aren't 
they? I am glad ours are such good friends. 
They are lunching together today. 

Margaret. Ye-es, I believe it is a sort of 
business meeting. Business seems to be a very 
mysterious thing, doesn't it? I wish I knew 
about it, too, though it isn't very attractive. 



46 Taught By Mail Act I 

Gerald. I thouglit the mysterious was al- 
ways attractive to a woman. 

Margaret. I have had a terrible disillusion- 
ment. 

Gerald. In connection with the Civic Im- 
provement Society? 

Margaret. Yes. 

Gerald. Tell me about it. 

Margaret. I am afraid it would not interest 
you. 

Gerald. Everything you say interests me. 

Margaret. Fud,ge. 

Gerald. I mean it. 

Margaret. Well, perhaps it will interest you 
if you are really .s^oing- to study business. I 
only hope you will not have my experience. 
(Hesitates.) 

Gerald. Please go on. 

Margaret. I wrote you that the Civic Im- 
provement Society made me Secretary, and that 
after several meetings we determined to do 
something practical in bettering conditions in 
general. 

Gerald. Yes, you wrote me that much. 

Margaret. We were tired of reading books 
about uplift and welfare, and of giving money 
to all sorts of charities. We said, we'll try an- 
other plan; we'll find out all about something 
that affects the whole community; we'll begin 
with one of the public service corporations. 

Gerald. That sounds practical. 



Act I Taught By Mail 47 

Margaret. We began with the gas company 
because that is the one that gives the worst 
service. 

Gerald. Good ! 

Margaret. We employed experts to tell us 
all about the gas industry in general and our 
own gas company in particular. 

Gerald. What did they tell you? I don't 
know a thing about it. 

Margaret. A lot that I can't remember, but 
the gist of it is that the gas here is just about 
as poor as can be made, the price is excessive, 
and the profits are huge. 

Gerald. Something ought to be done about 
it. 

Margaret. (Smiling.) Yes. What? 

Gerald. (Frozvning and thinking deeply.) 
Get after the people who run the concern. Who 
are they? 

Margaret. There are a great many stock- 
holders, most of whom are quite satisfied as 
long as they get their quarterly dividends. 
There are twelve directors who manage the 
company. 

Gerald. Of course, I should have known 
that. Who are the directors ? 

Margaret. My father is one. 

Gerald. No ! 

Margaret. Yes, the Honorable Mr. David- 
son, President of the First National Bank, 
member of the Board of Education, Treasurer 



48 Taught By Mail Act I 

of the Associated Charities, and a vestryman 
of St. Paul's. 

Gerald. There must be some mistake. Have 
you asked your father about it? 

Margaret. There is no mistake. Father and 
I have talked about it by the hour. We make 
no progress. Neither can convince the other. 

Gerald. I have a lot to learn, haven't I? 
Who are some of the others ? 

Margaret. The list of stockholders includes 
other people as prominent in the city as Father, 
also corporations and estates. I'm a stock- 
holder. 

Gerald. Is my father's name in the list? 

Margaret. Yes. 

Gerald. Is he a director? 

Margaret. The leading- director. (Pause.) 
That is one of the reasons I have told you 
about it. 

Gerald. Thank you, Miss Davidson. It 
is very good of you to tell me about it. I can't 
believe that either of our fathers can be involved 
in anything that isn't all right. It is incredible. 

Margaret. It was incredible to me at first. 

Waiter. (Enters and approaches Gerald.) 
Luncheon is served. 

(Margaret and Gerald rise to go to the 
dining-room. ) 

Gerald. All the more reason for my plan 
of going to Dad's office and breaking into busi- 



Act I Taught By Mail 49 

ness. (Energetically.) I'll do it tomorrow 
morning. 

Margaret. (Eagerly.) I hoped you would. 

(Margaret and Gerald go out. The zvaiter 
straightens out the chairs and papers.) 



ACT II. 

(Office of Henry Fairfield, head of the Cos- 
mos Correspondence College, on the tenth floor 
of the Equitable Building. There are three 
zvindows exactly alike at the hack. On the 
right are two doors; that near the hack is a 
private entrance to which Mr. Fairfield alone 
has the key; the other, nearer the front, leads 
to the outer office, through which all others 
must approach. Between the doors is a safe. 
The most conspicuous article in the room is a 
large mahogany flat-top desk, having on it 
nothing hut ink-stand, pen, pencil and hlotter- 
pad with a fypezvritten sheet visible against its 
green surface. There is a revolving chair for 
the desk, several straight chairs, a vertical let- 
ter filing cabinet, a small revolving bookcase, 
and a hatrack. On the floor is a carpet and on 
the zualls are a calendar and a map of the United 
States of America. 

Mr. Henry Fairfield enters througJi the far 
door, takes out his key, hangs up his hat, and 
vii his usual quick, nervous manner, zvalks to 
his desk, sits in the revolving chair and picks 
up the typezvritten sheet. He is dressed as in 
the first act. Mr. Purvis comes in from the 



Act II Taught By Mail 51 

outer office bearing a uncker basket containing 
papers. Mr Purvis is the chief clerk; he is 
fairly neat, but his striped trousers are bae^v 
and his black alpaca coat is shiny, and he has a 
pencil over one ear. He halts in the middle of 
the room until Mr. Fairfield looks up ) 
AT T-'i- Werentially.) Good morning, 
Air Fairfield. {Approaches Mr. Fairfield's 
right elbow.) 

/D^: ^^^^''^fLD. (Shortly.) Good mornin? 

(Futs aside the typezvritten sheet, zvhich is the 
daily morning report of the financial condition 
of his concern.) 

(Mr. Furvis takes the papers from the basket 
and places them in front of Mr. Fairfield in a 
neat pile. He puts the basket on the ed^e of 
the desk at his ri^ht.) 

fr^,: S^'Yf '-''• '^^'f-^'"^ «/• ^/'^ top sheet 
from the pile scrutinising it, and picking up 
the pencil. He then puts the sheet on the desk 
marks it with the pencil and hands it to Mr 
Purvis.) That gir] must learn how to speli 
separate. (Picks up ne.xt sheet.) Too much 
margin on the left hand side. (Marks it zmth 

Jl \°^ I'" ^"'"'- Co/^///;«« to examine 
papers.) Are you still charging the copyists 
tor the paper they spoil ? 

Purvis. Yes, sir. 

H Fairfield. That's right. It's the onlv 
way to prevent waste. (Continues to examine 
papers.) System! Economy! Uniformity i 



52 Taught By Mail Act II 

(Mr. Purvis nods his assent.) Owing to the 
increasing- business there must be a readjust- 
ment of duties. Can you delegate any of your 
present functions to Colesworth? (Mr. Pur- 
vis purses his lips and looks as if he doubted 
whether it would he possible to find anyone 
capable of performing the important tasks re- 
quiring his ozmi personal attention. Before 
he makes up his mind what to say, Mr. Fair- 
field continues.) Well, it's got to be done. If 
Colesworth can't do it, you will have to find 
another assistant who can. My outside inter- 
ests are demanding more of my time. You 
must relieve me of all this routine correspond- 
ence. (Mr. Purvis becomes less dubious at the 
intimation that his ozmi importance is to be in- 
creased rather than diminished.) You ought 
to understand it -by this time. (Looks inquir- 
ingly at Mr. Piu'vis.) 

Purvis. (Gladly assenting.) Yes, sir, I 
think I do. 

H. Fairfield. Take letters of inquiry for 
example. Bring me some of the last mail. 

(Mr. Purvis goes out and returns with a 
handfid of unfolded letters of various shapes 
and colors, which he puts in front of Mr. Fair- 
field after the last sheet of the first pile has 
been returned to the basket.) 

H. Fairfield. (Taking up the top letter.) 
Here is a letter from Harry B. Malloy, Mag- 
nolia City, Arkansas, saying he saw our adver- 



Act II Taught By Mail 53 

tisement in Scribbler's Magazine. What is the 
first thing to do? 

Purvis. Look in the files and see if we have 
ever written to him before ; if so, what. 

H. Fairfield. Correct. Important. What 
next? 

Purvis. Look in Rand-McNally and the 
Postal Guide, locate Magnolia City, get its 
population and principal industries. 

H. Fairfield. Correct. Not so important, 
but may have some bearing. And then? 

Purvis. If he doesn't say what particular 
course of study he wishes to follow, ask him, 
enclosing general circular. If he asks for ad- 
vice, suggest "How to Fly, Taught by Mail," 
enclosing special circular on that subject. If 
he names the particular brand of knowledge for 
which he is thirsting (Mr. Fairfield looks at 
Mr. Purvis iinexpressively hut not entirely ap- 
proving the unnecessary number of zvords), 
tell him we have it, succinct but complete course, 
covering all essential principles and practice, 
complete in ten lessons, price twenty-five dol- 
lars in advance, or fifteen dollars in advance 
and ten dollars after receipt of fifth lesson. 
(Mr. Fairfield nods approvingly.) Encourage 
him with a few kind words, enclose blank form 
of application and remittance, and get the letter 
into the next mail. 

H. Fairfield. Quite so, except that for the 
present you may bring your letter with enclos- 



54 Taught By Mail Act II 

ures and addressed envelope to me before 
mailing. Is that all you do? 

Purvis. No sir. I card him and put him 
in the follow-up file. A week later, if we have 
not heard from him, I write him again, using 
office form letter No. 2 as a model. Ten days 
later, office form letter No. 3, and so on. 

H. Fairfield. Dictate as much as 3^ou can. 
Keep the stenographers bus}^ Miss Abbot's 
work has not been up to the mark lately. She's 
been sick, hasn't she? 

Purvis. Yes sir, but — 

H. Fairfield. Fire her at the end of the 
week. 

Purvis. Yes sir. 

H. Fairfield. Call up the printer and tell 
him I give him just one day more to get some 
of those new advertising booklets over here. 
I give him enough business to call for quicker 
work on his part. We need those booklets 
now. 

Purvis. Yes sir. 

(Mr. Fairfield gives a short nod. Mr. Pur- 
vis gathers his papers and basket and goes out 
through the middle door. Mr. Fairfield again 
takes up the daily financial report and scans 
it intently. Then he opens a drawer of his desk 
and takes out a previous report sheet, which he 
compares with the one in hand.) 

H. Fairfield. ( Calling Mr. Purvis. Enter 
Purvis as before, but zvithout papers. He re- 



Act II Taught By Mail 55 

sumes his place at Mr. Fairfield's right elbow, 
looking over Mr. Fairfield's shoulder at the re- 
ports.) There seems to be a falling- off in the 
number of students in the Social Service course. 
What's the matter with the social servants? 

Purvis. They seem to be transferring to 
aviation. That's the most popular now. 

H. Fairfield. Ah yes. I see. Work that 
strong while it lasts. {Continues to scan the 
report.) Oratory holds its own. 

Purvis. Oratory had quite a spurt after the 
last political campaign. 

H. Fairfield. H'm. Yes. Mental healing. 
H'm. Opto — Op-to-met-rics. Optometries. 
W^hat's that? 

Purvis. {Scratching his head.) I don't be- 
lieve I know. 

H. Fairfield. (Laughing.) I'm sure I don't. 
Well, it sounds good anyhow. Here's Nurs- 
ing. Nursing does well, doesn't it? The idea 
of wearing that little white cap and bossing the 
house — that catches the girls. (Continues scan- 
ning the list.) Where is Remembering. I 
don't see Remembering here. 

Purvis. That is under the Art of Remem- 
bering, near the beginning, (Points.) with the 
A's. 

H. Fairfield. Ah, yes. The Art of Remem- 
bering. I forgot. (Looks back at top of re- 
port. ) The Art of Remembering. Fine ! Now 
for the cash report. (Passes on to second page.) 



56 Taught By Mail Act II 

(A bell rings. Mr. Purvis goes out and re- 
turns with a card for Mr. Fairfield.) 

H. Fairfield. [Examines card.) Ask the 
gentleman to come in. (Exit Mr. Purvis. Enter 
Mr. Buckley.) 

H. Fairfield. Good morning, Buckley. 
What bad news have you got today? 

Mr. Buckley. (Drawing up a chair.) On 
the contrary, good news. My motion to post- 
pone the Huntington case was granted this 
morning. You remember Rutledge is counsel 
for the plaintiff. We agreed on a postponement 
and will settle out of court before the date set 
for trial. Then the judge will dismiss the case, 
and that will settle that. 

H. Fairfield. (Genially.) I have no doubt 
it's all right, Buckley. What's it all about? 

Mr. Buckley. (Drawing his chair a little 
closer and speaking lozver.) Huntington is the 
chap that gave you a power-of-attorney in the 
matter of his holding in the City Gas Company ; 
said you showed him a paper and told him it 
was a proxy for the next annual election; said 
you pointed to a place for him to sign and he 
signed. 

H. Fairfield. (Chuckling.) I w^onder if I 
told him that. Of course I didn't — but I won- 
der if I did. I remember that block of stock 
now; I needed it and I got it — that's the main 
thing — I got it. There were no witnesses, were 
there ? 



Act II Taught By Mail 57 

Mr. Buckley. No, but he made all kinds of 
affidavits. He said you told him you sold the 
stock at market but really bought it yourself, 
and a lot of other allegations. I have convinced 
Rutledge that Huntington has no case, but you 
don't want the thing noised about, so I will ar- 
range a compromise, one of the conditions of 
which is that Huntington will shut up. As you 
say, you needed the stock and you got it ; that's 
the main thing. You don't mind paying some- 
thing for it? 

H. Fairfield. (Cheerfully.) No, indeed; 
can't get something for nothing in this world. 
Anything else? 

Mr. Buckley. Another member of the Leg- 
islature is trying to hold us up. You remember 
that sandy-haired fellow on the Corporations 
Committee who gave us so much trouble last 
spring? 

H. Fairfield. He got two thousand dollars ; 
what more does he want? 

Mr. Buckley. I don't know exactly, but 
whatever it is he won't get it. I have an ap- 
pointment with him this afternoon at my office, 
and I'll show him some cancelled checks that 
will put a quietus on him. 

H. Fairfield. Buckley, you are a great paci- 
fier. You would be a shining light in the In- 
ternational Peace Society. By the way, I may 
not be here tomorrow. I'm going somewhere 
with my son. It's his vacation. 



58 Taught By Mail Act II 

Mr. Buckley. All right. I don't anticipate 
anything- of importance before the Gas Com- 
pany meeting next Monday. (Rises to go.) 
Why don't you take a vacation ? 

H. Fairfield. Wouldn't know what to do 
with one. Haven't had any experience in that 
line. (Enter Mr. Davidson hastily and evident- 
ly under a inental sfra^in. ) Good morning, Da- 
vidson. 

Mr. Davidson. Good morning, gentlemen. 
(Drops his hat, picks it up, and slams it on the 
desk. ) 

H. Fairfield. Wliat's the matter, old man; 
calm yourself. 

(Mr. Davidson fakes possession of Air. Buck- 
ley's chair, moves it a fezv inches, and sets it 
dozmt with force.) , 

Mr. Buckley. Well, I'll be going. (Starts 
to leave.) 

Mr. Davidson. No — wait — we may want 
you. 

(Mr. Buckley looks round for another chair, 
finds one upstage, bring it dozvn, and sits in it. 
Mr. Fairfield, somezvhat amused at Mr. David- 
son, zmits for him to proceed.) 

Mr. Davidson. (After a pause, abruptly.) 
Has Gerald said anything to you about the Gas 
Company ? 

H. Fairfield. (Genuinely surprised, altho 
he makes it a rule not to be surprised.) The Gas 



Act II Taught By Mail 59 

Company ! Gerald doesn't know anything about 
the Gas Company. 

Mr. Davidson. H'm! Don't be too sure 
about that. You might think my daughter 
didn't know anything about it, but she does. 
She belongs to this pestiferous Civic Society. 

Mr. Buckley. They're a well-meaning, vis- 
ionary lot. 

Mr. Davidson. They're stirring things up 
in a way I don't like. 

Mr. Buckley. {Soothingly.) Don't let them 
worry you, Davidson. They're unpractical. 
They just talk. 

Mr. Davidson. {Crossly.) So do you. 
You're a bachelor. If you had an only child 
hke me and she talked to you the way Margaret 
has been talking to me, you'd worry too. 

Mr. Buckley. Why don't you exert your 
parental authority? 

Mr. Davidson. There's no such thing any 
more. 

Mr. Buckley. The younger generation 
seem to be in the ascendant nowadays. 

Mr. Davidson. Fairfield's institution here 
abolishes school teachers ; I suppose parents too 
will soon be obsolete. 

Mr. Fairfield. What does Miss Margaret 
want you to do ? 

Mr. Davidson. She wants me to oppose the 
increase in the capital stock at the meeting next 
Monday. 



60 Taught By Mail Act II 

H. Fairfield. Can't 3^ou explain it to her ? 

Mr. Davidson. Explain it! Fd like to see 
somebody explain it to her. I suspect — (Pauses 
and looks over his shoulder. I suspect she's 
been talking to Gerald about it.) 

H. Fairfield. (SootJiingly.) O very likely. 
Young people have to chatter. Gerald hasn't 
said anything to me. Gerald is not up on busi- 
ness affairs. 

Mr. Davidson. (Almost snorts.) How do 
you know he isn't ? 

H. Fairfield. Why he's still in college. 
He's— 

Mr. Davidson. (Angrily.) I tell you there's 
a spirit of insurrection among young people to- 
day. They don't accept what their parents tell 
them the way we did when we were young. 
They are rebellious. The very school children 
go on strike. (Gets up and paces across and 
back. Mr. Buckley opens his mouth to speak 
but subsides as Mr. Davidson glares at him.) 

H. Fairfield. Well, I don't know what to 
advise you, Davidson. I can't imagine my son 
opposing me in any matter of importance. It 
would be a shock. 

Mr. Davidson. Well my guess is that you 
have one shock coming. 

H. Fairfield. As far as the Gas Company 
matter is concerned, that's settled — or will be 
next Monday. 

Mr. Davidson. I wish the meeting was to- 
day so that we could get it over with. 



Act II Taught By Mail 61 

Mr. Buckley. (Who feels professionally 
obliged to oifer some advice,) Couldn't you 
send the young lady away on a visit ? 

Mr. Davidson. She won't go. 

Mr. Buckley. Go yourself. Be called away 
on urgent business. 

Mr. Davidson. I'm not going to run away 
from my own daughter. 

H. Fairfield. I guess you'll have to stand 
pat. 

Mr. Buckley. Well, let's go over to the 
Club and thmk about it. 

Mr. Davidson. Let's go over to the Club 
and forget it. 

Mr Buckley. Any way you say. {Exit Mr. 
Davidson and Mr. Buckley. Mr. Fairfield re- 
sumes the perusal of his cash report. Mr Pur- 
vis rejoins Mr. Fairfield. ) 

H. Fairfield. That cash balance is too big 
We get two per cent on that. 

Mr. Purvis. Yes sir. 

Mr. Fairfield. Make a time deposit of half 
o± It at three. No use having funds idle 

Mr. Purvis. Yes sir. 

H. Fairfield. Now as to — 

{Enter Gerald Fairfield. He comes in with 
some hesitation, not being familiar with the 
place. ) 

H. Fairfield. Well, I declare, here's Ger- 
ald ! {It IS very evident that Gerald is more 
important to his father than business or Mr 



62 Taught By Mail Act II 

Purvis or anything or anybody else. Mr. Fair- 
field drops everything and rises to greet the 
youth, restraining a desire to embrace him, but 
shaking hands warmly, and pulling tip a chair 
for him. Mr. Purvis withdrazus meanzuhile and 
then quietly leaves the room.) 

H. Fairfield. Well, well, son, I was not ex- 
pecting you. Sit down. I thought you had 
some social affair on hand today. (The young 
man smiles cordially and anszvers his father's 
doting gaze affectionately.) 

Gerald. Just came from the house. Have 
cut out the social whirl and so gained a day. I 
hope that meets with the approval of your ef- 
ficiency and economy system. 

H. Fairfield. (Laughs.) Yes, yes, but you 
know I don't want you to cut out all the social 
affairs. Very valuable in their way, you know. 
Not to be neglected, son, no, no. But tell me, 
how did you get in here ? How did you get in 
here ? How did you get by Coles worth, in the 
outer office? His orders are to admit no one 
without orders. (Gerald laughs.) 

Gerald. I knew you would ask that, and I 
am sure I would not have got by him if he had 
not known me. You see, Colesworth is an alum- 
nus of my college ; I met him at the last college 
dinner at the Metropole. He thought he was 
safe in making an exception in my case. 

H. Fairfield. Colesworth a graduate of 
Centralia? Why of course, I knew that. But 



Act II Taught By Mail 63 

you have never been in my office before, and he 
never told me he had met you. 

Gerald. [Still smiling.) Perhaps you never 
gave him a chance. 

H. Fairfield. Well, no, perhaps not. Our 
talk is limited to business. (Lozvers his voice,) 
He's a valuable man in his way. 

Gerald. He made quite a reputation at col- 
lege in history. 

H. Fairfield. He's not in my history de- 
partment. He watches the front. I've had 
others, but he's the best of the lot — does it with 
more polish. 

Gerald. He's your Cerberus, I take it. 

H. Fairfield. He's my buffer. They don't 
make any impression on him. You are positive- 
ly the first person ever to get past him without 
a specific order. Well, well, son, I am glad to 
see you, tho I didn't expect to see you here. You 
won't find it very interesting. Tell me what 
you propose to do during 3^our vacation. Moun- 
tains again? 

Gerald. Well, Father, the fact is, I thought 
I would put in the time, or part of it at least, 
here in your office, and learn something about 
the business. (Mr. Fairfield's faee clouds.) I 
don't know the first thing about business. Think 
of it! This is the first time I have ever seen 
your office or any of your employees except 
Colesworth. I tried to pump Colesworth about 
your business at the reunion, but he was very 



64 Taught By Mail Act II 

uncommunicative — not disagreeable, you un- 
derstand, but said he'd rather talk about old 
Centralia and whether Professor Wheeler still 
hung- his overshoes on the hook with his umbrel- 
la. {Gerald laughs at the recollection.) Besides, 
you have always worked so hard and done so 
much for me; it isn't right. I'm getting old 
enough to think about my responsibilities. Col- 
lege is fine, I love ij:, but I want to know about 
the practical things of life, the daily duties of 
a man of affairs like yourself. Then too, there 
is the question, do you wish me to take up this 
business? Do you wish me to try to continue 
your great success in this work ? Are you not 
going to retire some day ? How about Mother 
and Clara? How about — {Mr. Fairfield mo- 
tions Gerald to stop. ) 

H. Fairfield. Wait, boy, wait — you take 
me by surprise — I must consider. No. Yes, 
let me see — you are twenty-four on the tenth 
of next month. {His face softens as he looks 
at his son zmth pride.) 

Gerald. Yes, Father. 

H. Fairfield. It is hard to realize it. At 
your age, I was getting fifteen dollars a week 
clerking in a wholesale house. 

Gerald. And I have never earned a cent. 
But I wouldn't like clerking in a wholesale 
house. 

H. Fairfield. I had been married two 
years. You were a little baby. 



Act II Taught By Mail 65 

Gerald. Married! So you were. Of 
course. I haven't thought of that yet, — much. 

H. Fairfield. (More slozvly.) Times 
change. People change. I knew of course 
this subject would come up some day unless 
I died first, and yet — well, one of my business 
principles is to- meet difficulties as they arise, 
attack 'em, knock 'em down, and jump on 'em. 
That's one of the secrets of success. (A pause. 
EaeJi zvaifs for the other to speak.) 

H. Fairfield. Ready for lunch? 

Gerald. No; had a late breakfast. 

H. Fairfield. I'm in no hurry. Well, sup- 
pose we talk it over right now, while the 
animals are out to lunch. 

Gerald. The animals ? 

Mr. Fairfield. Except Colesworth. He 
can't go. He brings his lunch with him. Fll 
just shut the door and then we shan't be dis- 
turbed. (Rises and closes door to outside of- 
fice.) Now then. (Looks inquiringly at 
Gerald. ) 

Gerald. Is this concern a corporation, a 
partnership, or an individual proprietorship? 

H. Fairfield. What! I thought you didn't 
know the first thing about business. (Smiles.) 

Gerald. (Smiles.) Only from books. 
Father. I took some lectures in business law 
and organization this past 3^ear. You see I 
have had this on my mind for some time-now. 



66 Taught By Mail Act II 

Really, I have only a smattering. But I am 
anxious to learn. 

H. Fairfield. Hadn't you better wait un- 
til you finish college next year? 

Gerald. Now, Dad, don't forget your busi- 
ness principles! 

H. Fairfield. All right, son. You have 
me there. Well, as you perhaps know, this 
concern is the Cosmos Correspondence College. 
(Gerald nods and listens attentively.) 

H. Fairfield. / am the Cosmos Corres- 
pondence College. 

Gerald. Uetat c'est moi. 

H. Fairfield. (Ignoring the comment, 
which he does not nnder stand.) My name does 
not appear in the advertisements and litera- 
ture, and I no longer sign letters. The busi- 
ness has become too big for that. Have you 
any idea how many employees I have? 

Gerald. There's Purvis and Colesworth and 
the office boy, the clerks in there, about a 
dozen typists in the middle room — I should 
say about twenty. 

H. Fairfield. Those are only the head- 
quarters force. Look across the street. 
(Points to the zmndow.) There is the factory. 
Three hundred hands over there. A lot of 
college graduates ; some from your institution. 
It's a thriving business, my son. It beats the 
medicine game almost. 

Gerald. The medicine game? 



Act II Taught By Mail 67 

H. Fairfield. I ran the Olivian Bitters 
concern before I took this up. 

Gerald. The OHvian Bitters! A patent 
medicine? I didn't know that. 

H. Fairfield. What with the pure food 
laws and such hke interference with the busi- 
ness, I was glad to sell out. I didn't lose 
anything-, but the fellows I sold to will; they 
had to change the formula or pay internal 
revenue taxes for manufacturing alcoholic 
beverages, so they changed the formula and 
the stuff don't sell like it used to. 

Gerald. (He cannot conceal his disap- 
proval. ) I — I — 

H. Fairfield. You don't like the idea, do 
you? That's business. That's one of the 
practical things of life. That's the way I 
made most of my money. 

Gerald. I didn't know, I — 

H. Fairfield. I think that you, with your 
liking for books and study, would prefer to be 
a lawyer or engineer perhaps. Smart lawyers 
make lots of money. 

^ Gerald. Before the Olivian Bitters, what 
did you do? 

H. Fairfield. I was in mercantile business 
till I was thirty. Then selling worthless 
securities on commission. That's where I got 
my real start, and I saved enough capital in 
four years to establish the Olivian Bitters. 



68 Taught By Mail Act II 

Gerald. You sold worthless securities! 
You knew they were worthless? 

H. Fairfield. Sure. It was a great bunk. 
Is yet for that matter but the postoffice auth- 
orities began to interfere some years ago. I 
nearly got into jail over the Western Oil- 
fields promotion. I did not relish that much. 
The patent medicine field looked safer, so I 
went into that. If it hadn't been for this 
fool idea about printing your formula on the 
label, I would have stayed with the Bitters. 

Gerald. Why shouldn't manufacturers be 
required to put a truthful label on their prod- 
ucts? Do you mean to say that you should 
be allowed to vend poisons under fanciful 
names ? 

H. Fairfield. Certainly I do, if people 
will buy them. If they don't throw their 
money away that way, they will in some other 
equally foolish way. Have you never heard 
that a fool is born every minute, and fre- 
quently twins? 

Gerald. Yes, I have, but I never realized 
before that that is one of the foundation stones 
of business. 

H. Fairfield. My dear son, it is the foun- 
dation stone. It is the whole foundation. It 
is inseparably connected with the struggle for 
existence that your scientific sharps teach you 
about at college. If there were no fools, there 



Act II Taught By Mail 69 

would be no smart men. The fools have to 
earn the money that the smart men make. 

Gerald. I loathe that expression ''a smart 
man." 

H. Fairfield. Moreover, ever3dDody is a 
fool to a greater or less degree. Everybody 
has at least one weak point. The fact is, the 
smart men are merely those with the fewest 
weak points. The mainspring of all is greed. 
The difference between the successful man and 
the unsuccessful is not that they differ in 
greed, but in intelligence. The successful man 
follows practical plans, the unsuccessful fol- 
lows visions. 

Gerald. (Sarcastic in spite of hi in self.) 
Have 3''0U any other business principles? 

H. Fairfield. I think what I have told you 
is the most important. I am telling you the 
most important first. Of course what I have 
said might be elaborated. As the preacher 
says, there is much more that might be said 
on this subject. (Rises and paces across the 
room and hack.) Fll go on if you are inter- 
ested. 

Gerald. I am interested. 

H. Fairfield. The greatest human motive 
is greed. Man is born with it. In the baby 
you see it undisguised. He wants food, he 
wants it often, and he makes no pretense about 
it nor about any of the rest of his natural 
functions. He is an honest little savage. 



70 Taught By Mail Act II 

Gerald. (Smiles grimly.) I didn't know 
you were a philosopher. 

H. Fairfield. It has been forced upon me. 
The best philosophers are those who do not 
waste time philosophising. They live on the 
alert, grasp opportunity as it comes, and suc- 
ceed. That's what I did. I didn't philoso- 
phise about anything; I didn't have time. It's 
only recently that I have had leisure enough 
to think out some of these things I'm telling 
you. And what Tm telling you is not theory; 
it's fact, the result of experience and observa- 
tion — my own experience and observation, not 
somebody else's. (He pauses a moment, look- 
ing at Jiis son. Gerald averts Jiis eyes.) 

H. Fairfield. To go on — as the baby 
grows up, he is in reality just as greedy as 
when little, though he may be unconscious 
of it, and, conscious or unconscious, he tries 
to conceal it. But, after all, it is a part of 
the laws of nature; as I said before, of the 
struggle for existence, and in business as in 
nature it results in the survival of the fittest. 
Yes, sir, I have heard people debate whether 
or not the fittest do survive. There is no 
question about it in my mind. Those who 
survive must necessarily be the smartest, 
which is another name for the fittest. 

Gerald. Does the matter of charity enter 
into your business philosophy? 

H. Fairfield. No indeed. Not at all. 



Act II Taught By Mail 71 

Charity is another thing entirely. Business is 
business. 

Gerald. Can you not temper business with 
charity, as justice is sometimes tempered with 
mercy ? 

H. Fairfield. Impossible. The moment 
you allow any charity to intrude into business, 
you impair efficiency. Sometimes you can fool 
your employees for a time by a semblance of 
consideration, in return for which you g-et bet- 
ter w^ork out of them, but that does not last. 
They will always try to get ahead of you. 
It's better to hold them down relentlessly. 
You will get better results that w^ay. The only 
thing that counts is results. 

Gerald. You have not yet told me how 
you switched from Olivian Bitters to the dif- 
fusion of learning. 

H. Fairfield. It's very simple. The two 
chief manifestations of man's desire to get 
ahead are his beliefs; first, that he can get 
rich quick; and second, if sick, that he can get 
w^ell quick. Hence the worthless securities and 
the proprietary medicines. Next in order is 
the society bug or desire to get exclusive 
quick. Supplying this demand is done in a 
small way, but I doubt if it can be commer- 
cialized to a profitable extent. My attention 
had already been attracted to the instruction- 
by-mail field — I am not a pioneer in this line 
— and I reasoned that there must be a lot of 



72 Taught By Mail Act II 

people who would like to get wise quick. 
I was right. There you are. I teach them 
by mail anything- they want to know. 

Gerald. Does it do them any good? 

H. Fairfield. Many of them say so. We 
have bushels of testimonials. Anyhow, they 
have no ground for complaint. They buy 
what we have to sell. 

Gerald. Do they get their money's worth? 

H. Fairfield. They do in experience if not 
in knowledge, and our diplomas are perfectly 
good steel engravings. 

Gerald. Is that honest? 

H. Fairfield. Perfectly legal. 

Gerald. Don't any of the fools ever come 
in person to see the head of the institution ? 

H. Fairfield. O yes, they come, but they 
don't see him. That's what Colesworth's for. 

Gerald. (Bitterly.) Some of these college 
graduates have their uses, even if they are not 
smart men. 

H. Fairfield. It's not the fault of their 
education. It's the way the Almighty made 
them. A few are born leaders; the rest are 
born followers. 

Gerald. I see. Big fishes and little fishes. 
And you do not place human nature on any 
higher plane? 

H. Fairfield. Human nature is the mean- 
est thing on earth. 



Act II Taught By Mail 73 

Gerald. {Shocked.) Including that of 
your family and friends? 

H. Fairfield. My family! That's differ- 
ent. What's mine's mine. As to friends, well, 
I can't say ; I haven't any. 

Gerald. {Amazed.) You don't mean that! 

H. Fairfield. Just that. {Pause. The 
fatliers assurance has begun to suffer under 
the son's failure to admire it.) You don't like 
that idea either, do you? {Gerald averts his 
eyes and is so moved as to be unable to anszver. 
H. Fairfield looks in silence at Gerald, hoping 
Gerald zvill return his gaze. Gerald puts his 
elbozvs on h.is knees and buries his face in his 
hands.) 

H. Fairfield. {Hesitatingly.) I am sorry 
— I have never said that before to anyone — that 
I was sorry — I am sorry that what I have said 
has — has — disturbed you. {Gerald makes no 
answer. ) 

H. Fairfield. You do not like the way I 
have made my money? {Gerald slowly shakes 
Ills head. H. Fairfield's face saddens. He 
makes a gesture of despair and paces across 
and back.) 

H. Fairfield. I have had 3^ou in mind — 
ever since you were born. 

Gerald. {Raising Jiis head, but still not 
looking at his father's face.) I am sorry too. 
Forgive me. Father. I — I can't help it. 

H. Fairfield. {Sits dozmi dejectedly and 



74 Taught By Mail Act II 

speaks in a constrained zmy.) That is the 
worst of it. (Crushed, but pulling himself to- 
gether zvith an effort.) I have heard of 
medical students fainting at first, at the sight 
of blood. Perhaps when you get used to the 
exigencies of business — 

Gerald. No. I could never get used to them. 
I cannot think that they are exigencies. They 
are contrary to all that I have been taught, to 
all that I have thought. 

H. Fairfield. {Approaching Gerald zvith 
an appealing gesture.) My son — (A knock 
at the door. Gerald and H. Fairfield compose 
themselves.) 

H. Fairfield. Come in. (Enter Mr. Pur- 
zns zvith a card for Mr. H. Fairfield.) 

FI. Fairfield. (Reading the card. To Mr. 
Purvis.) Show the gentleman in. (To Ger- 
ald.) It's your Uncle Jim. (Exit Mr. Pur- 
vis. Enter Mr. Mayhezv.) 

H. Fairfield. (Affecting gayety.) Hello, 
Jim. Gerald's here. What is this — a surprise 
party ? 

Mayhew. No, I didn't know Gerald was 
here. Just thought I would drop in and take 
lunch with you. I had the deuce of a time 
finding this place. Why don't you have a 
sign out? 

FI. Fairfield. We don't need any sign — 
not as long as the postman knows our address. 
If you gentlemen will excuse me a few minutes, 



Act II Taught By Mail 75 

ril run across the street. I'll be back directly 
and then we'll go to lunch. (Exit, not so 
briskly as usual, through private door.) 

Mayiiew. What's the matter with your 
father? 

Gerald. (Evasively.) We've been talking. 

Mayhew. He doesn't look like himself. 
(Eooks iuquiringly at Gerald, zuho says noth- 
ing. Mr. Mayhezv then glances critically about 
the room and continues.) So this is the Cos- 
mos Correspondence College. This is the first 
time I ever traced your daddy to his lair. 

Gerald. Same here. I never saw the place 
before. 

Mayhew. What do you think of it? 

Gerald. To a member of the family I may 
say — rotten. 

Mayhew. It seems to pay. 

Gerald. (Bitterly.) Yes, Father is a 
smart man. 

Mayhew. Your mother doesn't know what 
your father does, except that he goes to his 
office after breakfast and comes home in time 
for dinner. 

Gerald. Neither did I really know until 
this morning. 

Mayhew. And Clara is a subscriber to 
some of his courses of stud}^ quite ignorant 
of the fact that her father has an3^thing to 
do with it. You all are certainly a remark- 
able family. 



76 Taught By Mail Act II 

Gerald. I have just beg'un to realize it. 
(Rises and paces across and back.) What do 
you think of this game, Uncle Jim? 

Mayhew. Also speaking as and to a mem- 
ber of the family, I may say that while I have 
not investigated the matter at all, ni}^ opinion 
tends to coincide with yours. However, I 
cannot talk to a boy about his father's af- 
fairs. 

Gerald. I'm not a boy. Uncle Jim; that is, 
Fm old enough not to be. And you can talk 
to me because I ask you to and because I wish 
to get at the truth. I've been talking to 
Father about it just now, before you came in, 
and about his former lines of business. The 
present bunk, as he calls it, seems to be sell- 
ing through tickets for the royal road to learn- 
ing. That's bad enough. But do you know 
what he did before this, during all these years, 
to make all this money that his family have 
been enjoying, the money that supports me 
and pays for my education? Do you know 
all about it? 

Mayhew. H'm, well, not all the particu- 
lars; in a general way, perhaps. He offered 
to take me into business with him some years 
ago, but I declined. 

Gerald. You thought it was shady, didn't 
you? 

Mayhew. It wasn't in my line. 

Gerald. It is terrible! I can hardly be- 



Act II Taught By Mail 77 

lieve what he has told me. And to think I 
have been so bhnd, so stupid! All I knew 
was that my father was a successful business 
man. When the other fellows asked me what 
he did, I said he was a promoter. I have 
been engrossed in my studies, with my head 
in the air, not knowing that my feet were in 
the mire. Bah ! I am overcome by it, I am — 

Mayhew. (Calmly interrupting.) Steady, 
boy, steady; not too hasty. It may not be so 
bad as you think. Remember, this is all new 
to you. You are still at school. You are — 

Gerald. Is your business like this ? 

Mayhew. No, I am a miner. 

Gerald. A miner? You are a mining 
engineer, aren't you? 

Mayhew. No, I'm a mining superintend- 
ent, a practical superintendent, but I don't 
claim to be an engineer. I never had enough 
education to be a regular engineer. 

Gerald. Aren't you a graduate of some 
school ? 

Mayhew. {Shakes his head.) My alma 
mater is a school which has many under- 
graduates but few alumni— the School of Hard 
Knocks. I took the full curriculum and a 
postgraduate course. 

Gerald. Mother never told me. When did 
you first go west? 

Mayhew. I was fifteen. I was in the cow 



78 Taught By Mail Act II 

country for three years ; never slept on a bed 
during that time. 

Gerald. I have never slept on the ground. 

Mayhew. It's not so bad, out in the open, 
after a good day's ride and a hot supper. 

Gerald. What did you have to eat? 

Mayhew. Sowbelly mostly; sometimes we 
killed a steer ; with potatoes and coffee. Bread 
once in a while when we crossed the railroad. 

Gerald. I have never had to eat coarse 
food, nor suffer exposure to the weather. 
(Paces the floor.) My life has been too pro- 
tected. You had to rough it, but you suc- 
ceeded. 

Mayhew. In a way, yes. But you must 
remember I am a survivor. A good constitu- 
tion and a stubborn will pulled me through the 
period of hardships. A certain amount of 
roughing it is good for a man, but there is 
such a thing as too much. 

Gerald. I have a good mind to go west 
with you when you go back. 

Mayhew. Finish college first, boy; that's 
my advice. 

Gerald. My talk with Father has changed 
everything. (Sits dozvn dejectedly.) The 
world isn't the same. 

Mayhew. It must have affected your 
father too. He didn't look as chipper as usual 
when I came in. 

Gerald. I didn't notice. Perhaps I was 



Act II Taught By Mail 79 

too abrupt. I hope my displeasure was not 
a blow to him. 

Mayhew. Well it can't be helped. But 
don't be too severe in your judgments. Other 
times, other customs. You belong to a dif- 
ferent generation. As you said a few mo- 
ments ago, you have had no hardships to con- 
tend with, as your father had. You have had 
everything money can buy, and your father 
has enjoyed giving it to 3^ou. You are the 
apple of his eye. You — 

Gerald. Yes — I know^ — but you had hard- 
ships too. You told me about them. They 
didn't make you a crook ! Hardship has noth- 
ing to do with it anyway. Mr. Davidson has 
never been poor, but he is another who sucks 
the blood of the poor and justifies himself 
in so doing. Have you heard about the Civic 
Improvement Society ? 

Mayhew. No. 

Gerald. Neither had I until yesterday, that 
is, the whole story. I get the home papers at 
college, but they have had very little to say 
about the Civic Improvement Society. Now I 
understand why. It seems this society was 
started last winter by a number of men and 
women who determined to better some of the 
wretched conditions among the poor of this 
city. 

Mayhew. Soup kitchens or free ice ? 

Gerald. No, none of that foolishness. The 



80 Taught By Mail Act II 

Civic Improvement people set out to do some- 
thing comprehensive, something scientific. 
They started to investigate the pubhc service 
corporations, and began with the gas com- 
pany. 

Mayhew. Yes ? 

Gerald. They already knew that the gas 
was bad. They suspected that the price was 
exorbitant. They soon learned that the com- 
pany is run by some of our best people ! 

Mayhew. That's a familiar tale. You'll 
find that duplicated in nearly every town that 
ever had a gas company. 

Gerald. Why do the public submit to it? 

Mayhew. Why do they submit to other 
impositions? Why have they always submit- 
ted to slavery in some form or other ? 

Gerald. Father is one of the directors. 

iMayhew. Yes, I know. 

Gerald. Mr. Davidson is another. 

Mayhew. Yes. 

Gerald. It's infamous. 

Mayhew. Where did you get all this? 

Gerald. I got it from Miss Davidson yes- 
terday. It's no secret. Everybody who has 
been in town knows it. The newspapers have 
not said a word about it — you can guess the 
reason why. 

Mayhew. Another child whose eyes have 
been opened. 

Gerald. Yes. She feels it very keenly. 



Act 11 Taught By Mail 81 

When she told me I little thought I would 
find myself in the same predicament today. 
And now my disillusionment is as bitter as 
hers. 

Mayhew. This is the age of the wise 
child. I suppose the young- lady has talked 
with her father about it? 

Gerald. Yes, and with the same result 
that I achieved this morning. Her father says 
that if he did not help run the gas company, 
someone else would, and that the per cent of 
profit is high. 'Ter cent" seems to be the 
favorite word of smart men, and their favorite 
phrase is "business is business." 

Mayhew. Gerald, I understand your point 
of view. I truly sympathize with you. I ad- 
mire youth and enthusiasm. But when one 
gets to my age, the edge of enthusiasm is 
dulled. One is more inclined to accept the 
world as it is — and yet — 

Gerald. And yet — if someone didn't op- 
pose these things and fight for better things, 
the world would not progress. Man would 
have remained a savage. 

Mayhew. You are right. The whole his- 
tory of the race is a history of a fight for 
better things. Fight ! That is the word. And 
the fittest survive. 

Gerald. {Looks s/iarply at Mayliezv.) 
Father quoted that too, a little while ago, but 
he applied it in a different sense, 



82 Taught By Mail Act II 

Mayhew. I suppose it is true in more than 
one sense. (Pause.) Well, what is Miss 
Davidson g"oin^2^ to do about it? 

Gerald. She doesn't know. She doesn't 
know what to do. Another thing her father 
said to her was that he was making money 
only for her; he has no one else to leave it 
to. She won't take it. 

Mayhew. {Smiling.) Have you ever 
known of anybody refusing an inheritance? 

Gerald. No, I can't say that I have. But 
you don't know Miss Davidson. She has a 
mind of her own. 

Mayhew. And a heart? 

Gerald. {A hit confused, does not reply, 
hut continues.) Neither do I know what to 
do. It's all so unexpected. I've got to think 
about it. I have a lot to learn. But something 
must be done. 

(Enter Mr. Henry Fairfield, not so hriskly 
as usual and without his former assurance. 
The ordeal of his talk with his son has crushed 
him. He comes in through the private door. 
Enter Mr. Purvis a moment later from the 
outer office with a card, which he hands to 
Mr. Henry Fairfield. Mr. Henry Fairfield 
reads the card with an effort, goes to a filing 
cahinet, opens a drawer, runs over its contents 
and compares the card zvith a paper therein.) 

H. Fairfield. (To Mr. Purvis, mechani- 
cally.) Tell him Mr. Fairfield is in Europe 



Act II Taught By Mail 83 

and won't be back until fall. {Exit Mr. Put- 
vis. ) 

H. Fairfield. {With an effort at cheeri- 
iiess.) Come on, boys, let's go over to the 
Carleton for lunch. 

^ (Mr. Mayhew and Mr. Gerald Fairfield 
rise to go. Mr. Henry Fairfield staggers, 
gropes for support, turns toward Gerald^ and 
extends one arm toward him appealin^ly.) 

H.Fairfield. My son! (Falls. Mr". May - 
hezv and Gerald rush to the body of Henry 
Fairfield. Mr. Purvis rushes in.) 

Gerald. {To Mr. Purvis.) Get a doctor! 
Quick! 

Mayhew. ( Who has knelt at Henry Fair- 
field's side.) He's dead. {Gerald sinks into 
a chair.) 



A C T 1 1 1 . 

(Living-room of the Fairfield family. The 
furnishings indicate zvealth and taste. There 
is a piano and an inlaid cabinet containing 
music . In the center is a library table upon 
zvhich are some folded and unfolded docu- 
ments. Door at hack. Door at left. Win- 
dow at right. 

Mr. Buckley is seated at the table leisurely 
examining the documents. Mr. Davidson 
comes in through door at left.) 

Davidson. Good morning, Buckley, have 
you talked with Gerald yet? 

Buckley. Good morning. Not ver}^ much. 
There has been too much else to do. But I 
have an appointment with him here this morn- 
ing. 

Davidson. (Taking a seat.) I came to 
offer my services to the family — if I can be 
of any use at such a time. (Mr. Buckley 
nods sympathetically.) Sudden, wasn't it? 

Buckley. Yes, a stroke of some sort. The 
old man seemed all right the morning it hap- 
pened, and in good spirits too. Didn't he? 

Davidson. Yes. The old man wasn't really 
old. I don't understand what killed him. 

Buckley. Lived too fast is my diagnosis. 



Act III Taught By MaU 85 

Not dissipated, but always under high pres- 
sure and going at full speed. You might say 
he died of the fever of living. He didn't 
know how to play, never took a vacation. He 
was not smart on that point. 

Davidson. Did he have any life insurance? 

Buckley. No. He knew that graft too 
well. 

Davidson. There is a will, of course? 

Buckley. Yes. The Sterling Trust Com- 
pany are the executors. 

Davidson. They will have a good thing out 
of their fees. And the inheritance tax will 
take a good slice. 

Buckley. The family will have plent}^ left. 
I am their lawyer — 

Davidson. Another slice. 

Buckley. (Ignoring the interniption.) I 
am their lawyer and as the will will be pub- 
lished tomorrow I am not violating confidence 
in saying that the family are well fixed. 

Davidson. (Eagerly.) How much is it? 

Buckley. (With exasperating delibera- 
tion.) The widow and daughter are well pro- 
vided for; and the son, who was his favorite, 
will come into, well, a good round four million. 

Davidson. You don't say! 

Buckley. If the boy is as smart as his 
father, he will increase his fortune. 

Davidson. If he's as smart as Jim May- 
hew, he will hold on to what he's got. 



86 Taught By Mail Act III 

Buckley. But I am inclinerl to think he 
won't do either. 

Davidson. How's that? 

Buckley. He's a studious boy, not at all 
Hke the old man. I suspect he has some youth- 
ful notions about his duty to his fellowman 
and that sort of stuff. I'll know him better 
in a few days, after we've g'one over the will 
and so on. {Takes out a cigar case and offers 
it to Mr. Davidson. Mr. Davidson takes a 
cigar. ) 

Buckley. Old Fairfield's life was utterly 
different from that of his son. Of course they 
didn't understand each other. How could 
they? 

Davidson. I'm afraid that is true of my 
daughter and me. ( Gloomily. ) She and Ger- 
ald seem to understand each other. 

Buckley. Let's go to the library until the 
family come down. {Exeunt through door at 
hack. Enter Gerald Fairfield and James May- 
hezv through door at left and take seats at the 
table. ) 

Gerald. I feel ten years older that I did 
last Monday. 

Mayhew. Sorrow and responsibility have 
that effect. 

Gerald. I believe I'm going to like responsi- 
bility. I never had any before. 

Mayhew. Your father has made your path 



Act III Taught By Mail 87 

as eas}^ as possible. I can't imagine an estate 
left in more admirable shape. 

Gerald. Yes, I think I understand it fairly 
well already. 

Mayhew. That shows the advantage of a 
well-trained mind. Heredity too. In the way 
you seize upon the salient features of a sub- 
ject you are just like your father. 

Gerald. The salient feaures are not en- 
ough. I wish I knew more about the back- 
ground from which they project, the filling in, 
the little details of business. 

Mayhew. That will come gradually 

Gerald. I wonder why Father never gave 
me an}^ instructions in business matters. 

Mayhew. For one thing he expected you 
to be a professional man. Besides, he doubt- 
less had confidence in your common sense and 
education. 

Gerald. It is only lately that it has come 
to me that one should know more about the 
actualities of life. I have been pursuing the 
higher education and neglecting the lower 
education. It is wrong. The higher education 
is not wrong, but it should rest upon a foun- 
dation of the lowxr education. It's all very 
well for a man to study calculus, but he should 
also know how to keep books. 

Mayhew. It's no great trick. 

Gerald. Probably not, but I don't know 
how^ to do it. I don't understand the financial 



88 Taught By Mail Act III 

report of the bank where I keep my account. 

Mayhew. You're not unique in that, and 
yet it is a very simple matter ; I could explain 
it to you in ten minutes. 

Gerald. General principles are easy to 
gTasp. It's when you get down to accomplish- 
ing- results that you encounter the difficulties. 

Mayhew. Yes, business has a host of trials 
and tribulations. It's a constant fight. 

Gerald. Suppose I should be thrown upon 
my own resources? What could I do to earn 
my living. What could I do to earn my salt? 

Mayhew. As your father's heir you won't 
have to. 

Gerald. The money is tainted. 

Mayhew. That is not your fault. (May- 
hezv and Gerald ^aze fixedly at each other.) 

Mayhew. Is Buckle}^ coming this morn- 
ing? 

Gerald. Yes. He registered the will 
Thursday and telephoned me this morning 
that it had been admitted to probate. We are 
going to go over it again together this morn- 
ing. I w^ish you to be here. 

Mayhew. If I can help you in any way — 

Gerald. The inventory of the estate is 
nearly five million dollars. 

Mayhew. Think of that ! 

Gerald. Obtained mostly under false pre- 
tenses. 

Mayhew. Sh! There's someone coming. 



Act III Taught By Mail 89 

(Looks fozmrd the doonvay at left. Enter 
Margaret Davidson through door at left. Ger- 
ald and Mr. Mayhezv rise.) 

MarGx\ret. Good morning. 

Gerald and Mayhew. Good morning, Miss 
Davidson. 

Gerald. How are Mother and Clara this 
morning ? 

Margaret. Very well. They stood the or- 
deal of the funeral yesterday better than I had 
hoped. They will be down presently. 

Gerald. It has been very good of you to 
stay with them this week. I wish I could find 
words to thank you. 

(Mr. Mayhezv looks at the young people 
indulgently, and quietly slips azvay through 
door at hack.) 

Margaret. It is nothing. I wish I could 
do more. 

Gerald. You can. I want your advice. 

Margaret. Nothing is easier to give. 

Gerald. I want something else much more 
valuable — but I will take the advice first. 

Margaret. What about? 

Gerald. You recall our taH^ at the club 
on Monday? (Margaret nods.) You told me 
of your shock at learning of the sources of 
some of your father's income. / have had the 
same experience, the same rude awakening. 

Margaret. Something in these papers? 
(Indicating the papers on the table.) 



90 Taught By Mail Act III 

Gerald. No. I learned it Tuesday morning, 
just before my father's death. It amazed me 
— I could not help showing it — and I think the 
reaction on my father may have hastened his 
death. 

Margaret. O, I would not think that. 
No one could have forseen it. I am sorry. 

Gerald. I am to come into a great deal 
of money, money wrung from the poor and 
unfortunate by low cunning and sharp prac- 
tice. Bah ! 

Margaret. ( War inly.) I'm glad you think 
that way about it. It cannot be that the only 
way to be successful is to prey upon the ignor- 
ant. There must be a better way. 

Gerald. Yes, there must be a better way. 
{The buoyancy of youth asserts itself,) That's 
a very pretty dress 3^ou have on, Miss David- 
son. 

Margaret. (Laughing.) We weren't 
talking about clothes. 

Gerald. I am talking about you. 

Margaret. A poor subject. 

Gerald. The most important subject in the 
world to me. Don't 3^ou know that? 

{Margaret does not answer. In a moment 
she smiles at Gerald frankly and replies in- 
terrogatively. ) 

Margaret. Yes ? 

Gerald. If you onl}^ knew how much I ad- 
mire your frankness and directness. 



Act III Taught By Mail 91 

Margaret. (Roguishly.) Business is busi- 
ness. 

Gerald. Bless your heart. We shall give 
that phase a new meaning, shan't we? (They 
take seats.) 

Margaret. I knew you would feel as I 
do about the oppression of people. And it is 
oppression, more subtle than slavery and far 
more ingenious. There is a scheme afoot in 
the City Gas Company to strengthen their grip 
on the public — a stockwatering conspiracy — 
O, I wish I were a man. 

Gerald. I don't. 

Margaret. Be serious a minute. 

Gerald. I've heard something about this 
gas company scheme. I'm going to talk to Mr. 
Buckley about it this morning. 

Margaret. Well don't let it go through. 
I'll send you my proxy. 

Gerald. Your proxy! It will be our first 
love letter! 

Margaret. Don't regard it as a precedent. 
I shan't always let you vote for me, even at 
a 'gas company meeting. 

Gerald. (Starts to speak but is interrupted 
by the entrance of Mrs. Fairfield and Mr. 
Mayhezv. Mrs. Fairfield is dressed in mourn- 
ing and comes through the door on the left. 
Mr. Mayhezv comes through door in back.) 
Good morning, Mother. (Kisses her.) 

Mrs. Fairfield. (To Mr. Mayhezv.) I 



92 Taught By Mail Act III 

am so g-lad you were here during this dread- 
ful time, Jim. You have been such a com- 
port. (Buries her head on his shoulder.) 

Mayhew. There, there, Bess, you are a 
brave Httle woman. (Mrs. Fairfield dries her 
eyes and sits down. Gerald and Mr. Mayhew 
take seats.) 

Mrs. Fairfield. It was all so unexpected. 
It seems dreadful that a man should be struck 
down in the prime of life like Henry, and on 
the crest of success. I ought to have watched 
him more carefull}^ I ought to have made 
him rest or travel. 

Mayhew. He would not have been happy 
without his work. Working hard was his 
pleasure. You need not reproach yourself on 
that account. 

Mrs. Fairfield. He had so much to live 
for. He looked forward to seeing Gerald a 
famous author or professor. I hope you don't 
think of leaving college, Gerald? 

Gerald. Not if you do not wish it, Mother. 
I should like to go on. We have plenty of 
time to think about that before fall. 

Mrs. Fairfield. Mr. Buckley says there 
isn't anything for you to do about the prop- 
erty except to sign some papers. He says 
the business, whatever it is, will run itself, 
almost. There's a man named Preserves or 
something like that he's put in charge of it. 

Gerald. Yes, Mother. 



Act III Taught By Mail 93 

Mrs. Fairfield. I wish you men would 
try to influence Clara to go back to school 
and stop wasting her time over this silly learn- 
ing by mail. I think she's coming now. 

(Enter Clara dressed in mourning zvith an 
open letter in her hand through door at left.) 
Clara. Gerald, look at this! Here's a 
letter from the Cosmos Correspondence Col- 
lege saying they have gone out of business 
and sending back my money. Listen! 
{Reads from letter.) 

''Having decided to wind up our business 
at once, we beg to request you to keep the 
books and instruments furnished and to find 
enclosed the amount of your payment. Yours 
truly, A. L. Purvis." And here's the check. 
Why! It has your name on it. 

{Looks in astonishment at Gerald.) 
Gerald. {Grimly.) That check got past 
me by mistake. 

{To Mr. Mayhezv.) No wonder. I guess 
I signed a thousand of them. 

{To Clara.) It's all right, Sis; I'll explain 
it to you later. 

Mayhew\ {To Gerald.) Rather quick work. 

Gerald. {To Mr. Mayhezv.) I couldn't 

rest until it was done. {To Clara.) Look 

here. Sis; Mother wishes me to go back to 

college. What do you think about it? 

Clara. Of course you must go back. I 



94 ' Taught By Mail Act III 

want to g"o to the commencement ball and see 
you graduate. 

Gerald. I'll g-o back if you will go back 
to school. Mother wishes you to; so does 
Uncle Jim. Is it a bargain? 

Clara. (Laughing in spite of herself.) 
ril think about it. (Kisses her brother and 
goes out zmth Margaret. Mrs. Fairfield, smil- 
ing, follozvs Clara.) 

Mayhew. If you can manage women like 
that, you can manage men. So you shut up 
the shop ? How about all those employees ; 
what are they going to do? 

Gerald. I have arranged it. Employment 
shall be secured for them elsewhere as soon as 
possible. Meanwhile I shall get rid of a few 
dollars taking care of them. 

Mayhew. You will find it easy enough to 
get rid of all 3^our dollars if you keep on at 
that rate. 

Gerald. I shan't. I know the futility of 
giving money to people, taking away their 
self-reliance and ultimately pauperizing them. 
Don't think I have any delusions in that line, 
Uncle Jim. This is an exceptional case. I 
just had to close up that — that — swindle. 

Mayhew. I don't blame you. 

Gerald. I wish I could settle the rest of it 
as easily as that. (Gets up and paces the 
floor.) 

(Enter Mr. Buckley from the library.) 



Act III Taught By Mail 95 

Gerald. Good morning-, Mr. Buckley. 

Buckley. Good morning, Mr. Fairfield. 
(Looking at the table.) I see you are all 
ready to proceed to business. 

Gerald. Yes sir, and I wish my uncle to be 
present, if you have no objection. 

Buckley. Certainly, with pleasure. {He 
takes a seat at the table and draws from an 
inner pocket a document which he unfolds and 
lays on the table before him.) In all my ex- 
perience as an attorney I have never seen the 
affairs of a decedent left in such perfect or- 
der. I forsee no complications whatever. {Ex- 
amines the document.) Mr. Fairfield left no 
real estate except this home; that passes to 
the widow for life and then to the daughter in 
fee. The business conducted under the title 
Cosmos Correspondence College — 

Gerald. Is settled. I should have informed 
you of that before, Mr. Buckley, but I have been 
too much occupied. As my legal adviser you 
were entitled to be informed earlier than this, 
but you were busy with the probate of the 
will and I did not wish to lose any time. 

^ Buckley. You mean that you have already 
disposed of the business ? 

(Gerald nods.) 

Buckley. I am afraid you have been hasty, 
Mr. Fairfield ; a matter of that importance de- 
serves serious consideration. You have not 
signed any binding agreement I trust? 



96 Taught By Mail Act III 

Gerald. I have not signed any agreement. 
The Cosmos Correspondence College has 
ceased to exist. Let's forget it and pass on 
to the next item. 

Buckley. Excuse me, Mr. Fairfield, but 
as your legal adviser permit me to say, that 
while you know the business was left to you 
unconditionally, you are very unwise to — that 
is to say — eh — how much did you sell it for? 

Gerald. I did not sell it. 

Buckley. You gave it to someone? 

Gerald. No, no, Mr. Buckley, you don't 
understand. Let me make myself clear. After 
you acquainted me with the contents of the 
will on Wednesday in accordance with my 
father's wishes as expressed therein, I went 
to the Cosmos Correspondence College office 
and stopped its operation, if that is the term 
— put it into voluntary liquidation, if that's 
better. 

Buckley. As your legal adviser may I 
ask why? 

Gerald. Because I do not approve of that 
sort of business, that's why. It was mine to 
do what I pleased with, was it not? 

Buckley. Yes, practically, though it 
would have been more regular, more accord- 
ing to Hoyle, you understand, to have waited 
until the court had granted probate. Were 
you aware that your father had been offered 
two hundred thousand dollars for that busi- 



Act III Taught By Mail 97 

ness, and that you could probably have sold 
it for two hundred and fifty thousand? 

Gerald. No, I cannot say that I was. 
However, it makes no difference. 

Buckley. Have the employees been paid 
off, the leases cancelled, the debts paid, the 
subscribers informed, and their accounts set- 
tled ? Have — 

Gerald. I told Mr. Purvis to attend to that. 
You will see him of course and see that every- 
thing* is done legally and everybody satisfied. 
My instructions to him were to pay the debts 
if any, to give up the premises at once, trans- 
ferring the necessary records to your office, 
and to return all the current subscriptions. 
I have signed the checks for the subscrib- 
ers and they are now in the mail. 2\s to the 
employees they will be taken care of until 
they secure other situations. The whole thing 
is simple enough, isn't it? 

Buckley. Simple is a mild term for it. 
However, I am not here to criticize 3^our ac- 
tions, Mr. Fairfield. You are of age. You 
are your own master. Perhaps you have in 
mind someone else whom you prefer as your 
lawyer. If so, please do not hesitate to — 

Gerald. Nothing of the sort, Mr. Buckley, 
nothing of the sort. You know all about my 
father's affairs ; I have no thought of chang- 
ing. But please consider the Cosmos Cor- 
respondence College as dead and buried. See 



98 Taught By Mail Act III 

Mr. Purvis and settle further details to suit 
yourself. 

Buckley. Very well. (Returns to his mem- 
orandum.) The next item is the gas stock. 

Gerald. That is the local gas company, I 
believe — The City Gas Company. 

Buckley. Yes. Your father was one of 
the largest individual stockholders and was 
one of the board of directors. While he did 
not own a majority of the stock, he and some 
of his friends together held a controlling in- 
terest. 

Gerald. Did you not say something the 
other day about a proposed increase in the 
amount of the capital stock, a hundred per 
cent, isn't it? 

Buckley. That is the plan. The proxies 
are nearly all in now, and the annual meeting 
takes place day after tomorrow. The proxies 
are in your father's name, but the consensus 
of opinion is that the right to vote them passes 
to you. I feel confident that no question will 
ever be raised as to your right to vote them. 

Gerald. Wait a minute. You are going a 
bit too fast for me. A proxy, as I understand 
it, is the authority granted one stockholder to 
vote for another. 

Buckley. Exactly. Each share of stock 
has one vote. The total possible number of 
votes is the total number of shares. You 
have enough proxies in addition to your own 



Act III Taught By Mail 99 

shares to carry any resolution that may be 
acted upon at the annual meeting on Monday. 

Gerald. Do proxies specify how the holder 
shall vote? 

Buckley. Sometimes they do, sometimes 
not. In this case they do not. It is generally 
understood among the stockholders what the 
principal resolution is going to be at this next 
meeting, and that it is going to be carried 
unanimously. Your father attended to that 
some time ago. 

Gerald. (IVho has picked up another set 
of papers and nozv looks tJiein over.)' This 
resolution of which you speak is to double the 
capital stock, raise it from four millions to 
eight millions? 

Buckley. Yes. 

Gerald. Well, why is that? It is not quite 
clear to me. The sum of the capital stock is 
what is called the capitalization, and the capi- 
talization is the amount of money invested in 
the business, if I remember rightly. Is that 
right ? 

Mayhew. The capitalization is the amount 
of money supposed to be invested in the busi- 
ness. That is frequently a legal fiction, also, 
a joke. 

Buckley. / would say that the capitaliza- 
tion is rather the value of the business. It 
frequently increases in value from natural 



100 Taught By Mail Act III 

causes, without any more money being actu- 
ally put into it. 

Gerald. Well, if the Gas Company's busi- 
ness is worth four million now, what is go- 
ing to make it worth eight million next week? 

Buckley. It has a monopoly of the gas 
supply for this municipality. The city is 
growing rapidly, the company is extending its 
service all the time, and then 3^ou count in the" 
value of the franchise, the good-will and so on. 

Mayhew. I never heard of a gas company 
having anybody's good will. 

Gerald. How much is the Gas Company's 
property actually worth? I mean their land 
and reservoirs and pipes, etcetera. 

Buckley. They are carried in the assets 
at three million. After the capital stock is 
increased, doubtless this estimate will be in- 
creased. 

Mayhew. (Sarcastically.) Doubtless. 

Gerald. What is meant by watering stock ? 

Mayhew. (Laughing.) You might as 
well explain fully, Mr. Buckley. The youngster 
wants to know. 

Buckley. Stockwatering is a term used 
by envious people who do not own any of the 
stock. It means, practically, this : when a 
business becomes so profitable that the divi- 
dends declared are very large as compared to 
the capital, it is found advisable to increase 
the capital so as to reduce that ratio. 



Act III Taught By Mail 101 

{Gerald looks puzzled.) 

Mayhew. / would say that it is like this: 
if you are making a profit of twenty dollars 
on a hundred, which is twenty per cent, and 
you increase the hundred on paper to tw^o 
hundred, then you reduce your rate of profit 
to ten per cent. It doesn't look so big, see? 

Gerald. I am beginning to see. (Pauses.) 
It is very ingenious. {Pauses.) What rate 
of profit is the Gas Company making? 

Buckley. The dividends for some years 
past have been eighteen per cent. Under the 
new capitalization I presume they will be re- 
duced to, say twelve per cent. 

Gerald. Do the stockholders put in any 
more money for this additional stock? 

Buckley. O no, the company will make 
what is called a stock dividend; the new stock 
will be distributed pro rata among the stock- 
holders. 

Gerald. (Pointing to a paper in his hand.) 
Here is die charter of the City Gas Company. 
It says here, section third, 'The capital stock 
shall not exceed four million dollars." They 
have that already. 

Buckley. That is an old copy you have 
there. The State Legislature passed an act 
last March authorizing the proposed increase 
in the Company's capital stock. 

Gerald. Last March? Father was at the 
capital in March, I remember. 



102 Taught By Mail Act III 

Buckley. So was I. We were there to 
see the act through. 

Gerald. Lobbying ? 

Buckley. Lobbyino- so-called. Lobbying 
is merely the exercise of the right of petition. 
You have to lobby to get anything done. 

Gerald. How much did it cost to get this 
])articular thing done? 

Buckley. No small amount, I assure you. 
But we shall not get through our work at thi^' 
rate, Mr. Fairfield. That's ancient history 
now. The next item — 

Gerald. I always liked ancient history. 
Tell me, did you and father bribe any of the 
members of the Legislature? 

Mayiiew. (Much amused.) You might as 
well make a clean breast of it, Buckley. 

Buckley. (Visibly annoyed.) Of course 
not. The matter was duly discussed in com- 
mittee and on the floor and went thru in the 
regular way. 

Gerald. (JJ^ith another paper in his hand.) 
In this list of the Company's stockholders I 
see the name of the State Senator from the 
Centralia district. How does he happen to 
own ten shares of stock in our gas company? 

Buckley. Nothing unusual about that. A 
man might live in Kamchatka and own some 
of the stock. 

Gerald. (Scanning the list.) I don't see 
anyone here whose postoffice address is Kam- 



Act III Taught By Mail 103 

chatka. Most of them seem to live in this im- 
mediate neighborhood. 

(Mr. Mayhezv continues to be quietly 
amused and also zvaits in expectant silence.) 

Gerald. (After consulting another mem- 
orandum.) How about the PubHc UtiHties 
Commission? 

Buckley. There is none. 

Gerald. I was under the impression that 
one w^as created last winter. The newspaper 
headlines had the phrase in a prominent place 
for some weeks. 

Buckley. There was a bill before the City 
Council to create a Public Utilities Commis- 
sion but it was defeated. 

Gerald. Did you and father co-operate in 
this legislative operation also ? 

Buckley. We did, with the able assist- 
ance of the telephone, electric and traction 
companies. Consequently there can be noth- 
ing done as to the increase in the capital stock 
of the City Gas Company by the Public Utili- 
ties Commission for the simple reason that 
there is no public utilities commission. (Smiles 
blandly.) 

Gerald. I suppose strong arguments were 
presented to the aldermen in order to con- 
vince them of the necessity of preventing the 
creation of a Public Utilities Commission? 

Buckley. Pow^erful arguments. 

Gerald. (After a pause.) There seems to 



104 Taught By Mail Act III 

be nobody else left to consider but the public. 

Buckley. What has the public got to do 
with it? 

Gerald. They burn the gas. 

Buckley. They don't have to. Nobody 
makes them. 

Mayhew. (Sarcastically.) Sure! If they 
don't wish to burn your gas, they can eat their 
food raw and go to bed in the dark. 

(Mr, Buckley again relapses info passivity 
but soon makes another effort to proceed.) 

Buckley. Shall we pass on to the next 
item? 

Gerald. Not yet. In regard to this gas 
question, I believe I will vote against the cap- 
ital stock increase. 

Buckley. (Jumping to his feet.) But you 
can't do that! 

Gerald. What's the reason I can't? 

Mayhew. Why not? 

Buckley. Wait a minute. Do you mind 
if I ask Mr. Davidson to come in? He is 
your banker you know and maybe he can ex- 
plain the matter better than I can. He's in 
the library. 

Gerald. Certainly, ask Mr. Davidson to 
come in, if you like. 

Mayhew. I'll get him. (Exit thru door to 
library. Gerald picks up another paper.) 

Buckley. He'll be here in a minute. Shall 
we pass on to the next item? 



Act III Taught By Mail 105 

Gerald. No, let's wait until Mr. Davidson 
comes. Did I understand you to say that I 
could not vote against the capital increase? 

Buckley. Not in honor. As I said before, 
there is a general understanding as to what is 
to be done, and the proxies which you hold 
were given to you in accordance with that un- 
derstanding. You are in honor bound to carry 
out the tacit agreement. 

Gerald. And incidentally to practice extor- 
tion on nine-tenths of the population of the 
city. That, I suppose, is perfectly honorable? 

(Mr. Buckley tJirozi's up his hands in de- 
spair, turns his back, and paces the floor to the 
window, where he stands looking out, his 
hands behind his back.) 

{Enter Mr. Mayhew from the library.) 

Mayhew. Mr. Davidson will be in in a 
minute. He was called to the telephone. 

Gerald. Uncle Jim, do you despise the 
masses as Father did and as Mr. Buckley 
does? 

Mayhew. Intellectually, yes. Whether that 
justifies you in exploiting them for your own 
advantage is another question. They must 
have leaders, that is certain. A pure democ- 
racy, you know, never accomplishes anything 
but its own destruction. 

Gerald. The man of greater physical 
strength has not the right to push his physical 
inferior off the sidewalk; why should those of 



106 Taught By Mail Act III 

greater intelligence impose on their intellectual 
inferiors ? 

Mayhew. I do not say that they should. 
On the contrary, I think they should use their 
superior intellig-ence for the benefit of the 
whole people. 

Gerald. Not merely for the benefit of their 
own pocket. 

Mayhew. How they should do that is an- 
other question. Apparently you would not be 
doing it by maintaining an extortionate price 
for gas. On the other hand — but here comes 
Mr. Davidson. 

(Enter Mr. Davidson briskly, Mr. Buckley 
turns around and returns to the conference.) 

Gerx\ld. Good morning, Mr. Davidson. 
• Davidson. Good morning, Gerald. {Shakes 
hands with Gerald.) 

Buckley. Mr. Davidson, as a director of 
the City Gas Company, you understand its af- 
fairs better than I do. Mr. Fairfield, as you 
know, succeeds to his father's interests. As 
his legal adviser, I have been trying to ex- 
plain to him what is to be done at the meet- 
ing on Monday, but, I fear, without success. 
Just before I called you in, he announced his 
intention to vote acrainst the resolution for an 
increase of the capital stock. 

Davidson. {Calmly, deliberately, and pleas- 
antly.) I am sure, Gerald, you do not fully 
understand the situation or you would not have 



Act III Taught BylMail 107 

said that. The Gas Company is indispensable 
to the city's welfare. The people could not 
get along without it. It serves nine-tenths 
of the population, which is rapidly increasing 
in numlDers. Naturally, as the city grows, the 
number of gas consumers constantly grows, 
we extend our pipelines, build new reservoirs, 
and our assets grow in value. So — 

Gerald. If the growth in population is the 
cause of the increase in the value of the Com- 
pany's assets, w4iy should not the public profit 
by this increased value instead of the Com- 
pany ? 

Mayhew. Ha! 

Davidson. {LookUii^ scornfully at Mr. 
Mayhezv, and pityingly at Gerald.) This isn't 
business. The public has nothing to do with 
it. 

Buckley. That's what I told him. 

Davidson. In the first place, the public 
won't know an3^thing about it until it's too 
late to make a fuss. We've fixed the news- 
papers. 

Gerald. Another interesting piece of in- 
formation! The newspapers are fixed? 

Buckley. (Trying to zvarn Mr. Davidson.) 
Mr. Fairfield doesn't think — 

Gerald. (Interrnpting Mr. Buckley and 
speaking to Mr. Davidson.) Are you sure of 
that? 

Davidson. Positive. The owners of two of 



108 Taught By Mail Act III 

the daily papers are stockholders in the Gas 
Company, and we have distributed among the 
other dailies and the small fry over thirty 
thousand dollars' worth of advertising. 

Gerald. I see nothing has been overlooked. 

Buckley. (Again trying to zvarn Mr. Da- 
vidson.) Mr. Fairfield does not approve of — 

Gerald. (Again shutfing up Mr. Buckley.) 
We shall be able to reduce our dividend rate 
from eighteen to twelve, at the same time in- 
creasing our actual profit by one-third. 

Davidson. Exactly, and without costing 
us a cent more. 

(Mr. Buckley opens Jiis mouth to speak, hut 
Gerald again restrains him.) 

Gerald. Mr. Davidson, you have made the 
case even more clear than Mr. Buckley did. I 
shall vote against the proposition. 

Davidson. (With enforced calm and delib- 
eration.) But my dear l30y, you can't do that. 
This is Saturday. The meeting is on Mon- 
day. It's too late to change the proxies. 

(Mr. Buckley again throws up Jiis hands, 
turns his back and paces the floor. Mr. May- 
hew laughs.) 

Gerald. According to my legal adviser, I 
can vote the proxies as I choose. No need to 
change them. 

Davidson. (Turning to Mr. Buckley angri- 
ly.) What did you tell him that for? (To 
Gerald.) But my dear Gerald, take into con- 



Act III Taught By Mail 109 

sideration the accepted understanding. If 
you do what you propose, 3.^ou will never be 
able to explain it to the disappointed stock- 
holders. 

Gerald. Perhaps I can explain it to nine- 
tenths ot the population. 

Davidson. If you are going in for politics, 
you need not make any such sacrifice hit as 
that. It IS entirely uncalled for. What's 
more, you have no right to be actuated by 
purely selfish motives in this affair. Consider 
your family— your mother and sister. Suppose 
you should die suddenly tomorrow, as your 
father did That might happen. Your prop- 
erty would pass automatically to your mother 
and sister. They have a contingent interest 
in everything you possess. You have no right 
to deprive them of the great advantages to be 
gained by the success of the resolution which 
3^ou propose to defeat. 

Gerald. (Looking at Mr. Mayhezv ) I had 
not thought of that, but it does not alter the 
case. 

Mayhew. (Nodding.) You're right Go 
ahead. 

'^^yi'^so^. (Becoming heated.) If the reso- 
lution IS defeated Monday it cannot be brouo-ht 
up again for another year. 

Gerald. Good ! Maybe we shall have a Pub- 
lic IJtilities Commission by that time and they 
won t allow it to be brought up 



110 Taugk By Mail Act III 

Davidson. (Angrily.) You don't know the 
first thing- about business. 

Gerald. (Cheerfully.) I think I am learn- 
ing. 

(Mr. Davidson and Mr. Buckley, unable to 
restrain their impatience, say good morning 
abruptly and go out. ) 

Gerald. Those gentlemen seem to be peev- 
ish about something. 

Mayhew. (Smiling.) Shall we pass on to 
the next item? 

Gerald. (Reaching for the copy of the 
zvill.) The rest is all stock and bonds. Let's 
see. First come the railroad stocks. (Reads.) 
''One thousand shares New York and Ohio 
Railroad Company, par value one hundred 
thousand dollars, market value two hundred 
and thirteen thousand dollars." Think of that! 
(Runs his finger down the sheet.) It's a long 
list. Then come the bonds. (Reads.) ''Sev- 
enty-five Great Southern convertible four per 
cent one thousand dollar bonds, seventy-five 
thousand dollars. Ten Metropolitan Central 
four and one-half per cent five thousand dol- 
lar bonds, fifty thousand dollars." O what's 
the use! (Throivs the paper to the table.) 
All this accumulation by trickery. Perfectly 
legal. By selling stocks which pretended to be 
g"ood and were not; by selling stimulants un- 
der the guise of medicine; by selling instruc- 
tion the chief value of which was the experi- 



Act III Taught By Mail 111 

ence gained by the pupils. How am I going 
to restore these ill-gotten gains to the people 
from whom they came? 

Mayhew. Gerald, your motives do you 
credit, but when you talk of restoring this 
fortune to the people who contributed it, you 
might as well plan to restore the pieces of that 
mlaid cabinet to the forest trees from which 
they came. 

Gerald. No doubt you are right. That is 
true. But if direct restitution is impossible, 
then there must be indirect restitution. I in- 
sist upon restitution of some kind. The ques- 
tion is, how am I to do it? 

Mayhew. That is more easily asked than 
answered. You are opposed to almsgiving. 

Gerald. Decidedly, and to nearly all of our 
so-called philanthropy. One of my professors 
says that the institution that has done human- 
ity the most good is the savings-bank be- 
cause It teaches thrift. I do not go as far as 
that, but I do think that most of our philan- 
thropy is harmful. The object of philanthropy, 
I take it, is to reduce the sum of human misery.' 

Mayhew. We hear a great deal about 
how much better off we are than our ancest- 
ors. 

Gerald. Futile piffle. A few of us are bet- 
ter off. But instead of reducing the number 
of unfortunates, our methods multiply it. The 



112 Taught By Mail Act III 

whole scheme tends to propagate defectives 
instead of ehminatino- them. 

Mayhew. You do not wish to weaken the 
sentiment of pity? 

Gerald. Not at all. I would not weaken 
any noble sentiment. I would weaken the 
maudlin sentimentality that makes the race 
deteriorate. To the defectives themselves I 
would give everything, but as long as that in- 
volves a continuous addition to the number of 
defectives I will give nothing. We are con- 
sidering humanity as a whole. We are con- 
sidering the application of five million dol- 
lars to increasing the capital stock of the Uni- 
versal Human Compan}^ — not by the watering- 
method but by some honest method. The 
giving of this money to any 6i our alleged 
charities would not do this ; on the contrary, 
it would make matters worse. 

Mayhew. You might found a college. 

Gerald. There are enough. 

Mayhew. Or a library. 

Gerald. There are too many. 

Mayhew. Encourage art? 

Gerald. I would like to encourage it by re- 
moving most of the statues from the parks. 

Mayhew. Science ? 

Gerald. Science always seems to be able to 
take care of itself. 

Mayhew. Elevate the stage! 



Act III Taught By Mail 113 

Gerald. It's the audiences that need elevat- 
ing. 

Mayhew. Endow a newspaper. 

Gerald. There's something in that. I might 
start a newspaper with no means of communi- 
cation between the advertising and the edi- 
torial departments. You know, there has been 
a great lack of originality among our benevo-- 
lent millionaires. They have founded all kinds 
of schools, libraries, and art-galleries, but it 
seems never to have occurred to any of them 
to endow a theater or a newspaper. That's 
worth considering. 

Mayhew. Leaving abnormals and education 
out of consideration, there are many normal 
individuals who need assistance. 

Gerald. Yes, but what kind of assistance? 
r received ten begging letters in the last mail. 
If you merely give, you make dependents and 
ingrates. The entire history of workingman's 
homes, and feeding the flood sufferers, and 
extravagant pensions, and all that, goes to 
show that the average man won't work unless 
he has to, unless he is spurred to it. Remove 
the spur and he quits his job. If I could only 
buy them five million dollars' worth of self- 
reliance. 

Mayhew. Educate them in self-reliance. 

Gerald. Good idea. How? 

Mayhew. Who was it who said that in this 
world as in the next we get what we deserve? 



114 Taught By Mail Act III 

Gerald. I don't follow you. That sounds 
like the Henry Fairfield system of philosophy. 

Mayhew. Perhaps your father was not en- 
tirely wrong. 

Gerald. What ! 

Mayhew. Your father thought like you 
that the masses lack self-reliance. He edu- 
cated them in self-reliance. If you defeat 
your opponent in a game you thereby instruct 
him how to play the game, don't you? Those 
of the best physique should be conserved; so 
should those of the keenest intelligence. We 
want a healthy population; so do we want a 
thrifty population. Your father must have 
taught thousands of people to be more prudent 
as to how they spent their money. 

Gerald. Hence this five million dollars. 

Mayhew. Thousands of his fellow-beings 
must have learned from him a bitter but 
wholesome lesson. They must have said to 
themselves, "What a fool I was." From this 
viewpoint your father ranks as a public bene- 
factor. 

Gerald. From that viewpoint the best way 
to educate the masses in that which they most 
need, namely, self-reliance, is to swindle them. 

Mayhew. Patiently and persistently. 

Gerald. Thereby sharpening their wits. 

Mayhew. Thus teaching them at their 
own expense how to take care of themselves. 

{Enter Margaret, not seen by Gerald and 



Act III Taught By Mail 115 

Mayhew. She hesitates, and stops, framed in 
the doorway behind Mayhew' s hack,) 

Gerald. {Gazing intently into space.) I 
wonder if father was right after all? {Turns 
his head slowly and espies Margaret smiling 
at him from the doorway. Rises suddenly, al- 
most startling the sedate Mr. Mayhezv, and 
brings his clenched fist dozvn on the table.) 
No ! There must be some better way. 



THE END 



